A Good Run

I really feel like I need to love running. Don't I?
There's always that feeling of "I should be able to run at least 2 miles. Or even the 10 miles that some people can do by snapping their fingers."
Why do people love to run? Why can't I love to run?
I think music helps...but I don't have an iPod or an mP3; I borrowed Jinny's once for a run, and the time passed so much more quickly.
Also...a mile is a lot longer than I thought. I ran all the way to Portage Park once, but, somehow I feel like that's not that great compared to other distances.
What do I need to do?
I think I need to jog. Regularly. and log what I do so that I keep doing it.
I want to run forever. By that I mean that I want to start now so that I can't stop. So that I'm still running when my life is different, and I'm older and I just...run.
I don't know what will help. What will make me fall in love with running? What will get me addicted? Just doing it? Go out and run and eventually I will love it? Is that it? Do I need a buddy? Do your motivations make a difference? Will I be more willing to run if it's so that my heart is healthy when I'm 82 rather than because I'm trying to look skinnier in my jeans?
I think...I know my motivations need to change.
I just want to get addicted to running. Or swimming - I like swimming. That could be excercise!
I've always viewed myself as somebody who could never run a marathon or those multi-miles. But maybe I could. Maybe.

What It's All About

We visited a new church today. They are young, and alive, and growing. They have a heart to see people changed; to reach the kids from the big public high school across the street. They want Jesus. And they want him to be know in our city. The thing is, they're not even from our city. They have a heart that longs for Chicago to know Jesus, and they're from Jacksonville, FL. Crazy calling, huh? Pretty awesome.


For them, it's all about Jesus. And that's for my life too. But I have to honestly say that I don't always spend every day making it about Jesus. It is so easy for me to focus on myself; what I want. One of the biggest challenges to me is:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

We all know how easy it is focus on ourselves. And you know what, Jesus knew it too. The Bible says that He faced every temptation that we do. He saw our self-centered world. Our self-centered, selfish, envious world killed Him.

And He still loved us.

And I definitely know how easy it is to fall into condemnation over not "doing better." It's so easy to feel like I've just messed up over and over, spending my day focusing on myself.

But you know what? Even when we focus on ourselves instead of Jesus, He forgives us. He's always ready to help us do better. But at the same time that He wants to transform us to look more like Him, His scale of us is not a performance once. Us being pleasing to him doesn't stipulate us spending our day perfectly. We mess up. And we're learning. And He knows that. He's part of us learning. We don't learn everything in one day; and He made us - He understands that.

So thank the Lord that when I mess up, shame and guilt are not for me. This is kind of the way I read the way the write of Lamentations 3 wrote it:

"I mess up.

My world is messed up.

Everyone's dying.

Everyone ignores God.

I feel deserted

I fight for every little thing I have every day.

My society, my people has turned their backs on God

I am sinful, I'm in the middle of so much trouble, people hate me...

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Today

Today I wore my hair down with my blue earrings.

I got up at 11:30. Bedtime last night was around midnight, so when I woke up at 7:30, my reaction was "definitely not." and I made myself go back to sleep. As I did this multiple times through the morning, it became less fueled by tiredness and more fueled by not wanting to clean.

I had to be at Merit at 1:00. On our way home, my dad bought me some ice cream. We got home around 3:00. At the orientation, they had this quartet from New York play; they were really good. One piece they played was the Adagio for Strings by Barber--it was sooo pretty. These players are like faculty at Julliard or something, but they're young. Now I want a recording of that song.

I have done a little homework. I haven't cleaned at all because my mom was too tired and I was waiting for her.

I did find the graphing calculator that I thought I had lost in Tacoma, though! It was in a purse that I brought back with me. From what I can tell, it was Dorothy's from her time in this pre-college mandatory class-life. Suz and OJ don't need it anymore, so I brought it home! It just needs some new batteries.

By the way, I'm taking AP Calculus this year. On computer. At least the teacher is good. We miss Mr. Pan's teaching, though. Amy's teacher on the computer makes weird jokes that make her laugh because they're so dumb. And he wears a funny tie. But they have the best marker-boards EVER! They're like neon markers on a black board - like a blue-light lights them up or something. Maybe that's kind of hard to imagine, but that's the way it is.

I like high school. You get to have some fun times.

And can I just say, I think that "my" babies are the most beautiful things in the whole wide world.

by the way, I love Sam, but he doesn't count as one of the "babies." this pic is about Arden right now. =)

Kittens!

Wow! A whole week of nothing exciting, and then two posts in one day. Things are looking up.

wow that picture is a little too big...

So! kittens. Leah loved this kitten who totally just fell asleep in her arms

so, this isn't the greatest picture of me, but I mean, come in, there's a kitten in it!

Mom loves having a cat, and she hasn't had one for a while, so she's thinking of taking one of these. In fact, she's thinking of taking TWO so that they have a friend. =)

I have to admit that I don't really feel in the mood to have little kittens running around my house. For the record, they would be my mom's cats...not mine.

So, although I don't claim in any way shape or form to be a cat LOVER...though I like holding and petting a cat who will show me love, a.k.a. choose to sit on my lap. (I'm a sucker for being shown love! :) But kittens...I think kittens are some of the cutest things in the whole world - besides human babies...kittens are just unbelievably sweet.
***

In other news, when I opened my locker this morning, a cockroach jumped off the door and onto the floor. I screamed. No one came to my rescue. Well, it was only like 7:00 so the only other people there were Anthony and Mr. Pan through the doorway in the gym. I kicked the lockers and finally killed it. Anthony laughed at me for being so traumatized once I galloped into the gym and explained my story. It was traumatizing.

Oh, and, that gnat that was flying around my head. That's annoying.

Uneventful

I don't even know what to write about. I feel like I've had a pretty uneventful week -- not too many crazily excting stories to give.

I went to the vet with Amy and Cosette. Cosette has fleas. I hope none of them got on me as I slept on the same bed she does. =) The sheets were washed once we got home, and the fleas on her were killed, so, I don't think I was affected. =)

Um, today is the third Friday in a row that I have a white chocolate mocha of some form and I'm at school super early. It's almost 7:00. This morning, I actually woke up when my alarm went off at 5:04 or 5:07 or something. Usually I hit the snooze button for almost half an hour or so.

Last night, I was watching a Presidential Debate with my dad. If I were running for President, I would want them to ask me what my favorite kind of cupcake was.

Just kidding. I don't like thinking about or talking about politics because I feel like I get all riled up and angry. I have some strong ideas, which just makes it even worse. It feels like you can never finish a sentence and people always disagree with you. Not fun. I better not marry a politician.

Like, it makes me feel really bad that people hate Bush so much. For one, he's not dumb like people act like he is, and for two, he has a lot more information about any of this stuff going on than pretty much everybody else who makes their living not just simply critcizing him, but making him out to be the worst person on the planet. But then, I feel bad for him. And for his wife and his family. How would you like to spend your life having millions of people say they hate you every day? I can't imagine how hard that would be. Personally, I'd rather have Bush leading my country than some dictator like Hitler or Kim Jung Il.

Anyways, I don't like politics. So why should I write about it?

This poor little horse came to Atlanta from Germany...without being noticed! How did that happen?

My Picture Wall

Ever since I moved my room and painted it orange, I have wanted to have tons of pictures up on the walls. It finally happened! Yay! this is so fun for me.

So, the chosen pictures are:

Amy, Glorie, and I

Top: Amy looking shocked as Rachel tries to whack her with an umbrella

Right: Sam, Dorothy, and Arden

Left: Chloe, Callie, and I on Moberg's boat...very excited.

Left: Ariel

Right: Rachel, Amy, and I on our portrait day

Bottom: Ariel making her silly face and Judah looking UNBELIEVABLY cute

And on the other wall:

Top: Suzy's wedding: the bridesmaids and her

Bottom: My beautiful other set of "sisters"

I have other pictures in frames, like of Amy and my Dad and some from Liz's wedding. I have one of Elizabeth, Amy, and Suzy (it's actually Amy's and I stole it during her travels) and it's so beautiful and I get to see it right at the end of my bed every day! And there's some of Vicky and one of Ariel and one of Dorothy when she married Sam and another of Me and Liz when I was younger. Lots of pictures in my room -- yay!!

Late...

I wore white today. And it's after Labor Day.

*gasp*

Shocking, I know. I bet you are reeling, because it just so...uncouth. But! It's still warm, so I wanted to take this last opportunity to wear my cute summer dress. Actually, I decided to wear the dress because I wanted to wear my white flip flops (and because other cute things were in the wash and the shirt I was going to wear is too big for me), and then "oh, the summer dress!" and then "it's still warm! I should take my chance!" So, this may be the last time of the season, but, I mean, how fun is a summer dress.

It's weird how I find myself with these like fashion cravings. One thing at a time -- like, a jean skirt, and then new jeans, and then a summer dress, and then a purse. It's like one thing I want and I keep on wanting it until I get it. {Boy, that sounds kind of selfish and materialistic, huh? that's not what i'm trying to sound like...this actually happens to me} Like, I wanted a jean skirt for sooo long. This thing of "I need a jean skirt" because it feels like it's a fashion necessity or something. I finally got one. But I grew out of it. Yet, I don't feel this intense need again to get one. I would like one, sure, but that craving for it isn't there anymore. It was like a one-time thing!

So I had been wanting a new purse, and I got one kind of like what I had been wanting for $5 the other day. but I don't think it satisfied the craving. I think I am still looking for a cute brown one.

Wow. this post sounds really materialistic, doesn't it? Oh dear. I hope you understand.

When I'm 80....

I cannot express my surprise at the 80 year old woman sitting behind me in Bourne 3.

Plus, at the end, she was smiling and laughing.

I kind of doubt that when I'm eighty, I'll be watching Bourne be ultimating and fighting the most intense fist-fight I've ever seen.

Plus, the lady next to me. I don't know what move she expected to see. Maybe, I shouldn't be so critical; but, come on. It's a BOURNE movie. When the bad guy pulls out a gun, gasps are not necessary.

Life lesson from tonight: use a seatbelt. Notice, I said use, not wear.

FRY-DAY

That catchy title just came to me: yesterday was really hot, plus I felt fried all day inside.

Yesterday was another super early morning. I got up at like 5:20, but took like twenty minutes to get dressed. I don't know if things you do ever get on your own nerves, but yesterday, my lengthy indecision got on mine.

I got a Starbucks again for getting up early! This time I got an iced white chocolate mocha...it's not as good without the raspberry.

I have to admit that once I got up to the computer room, clicking around in my boots all by myself installing Professor Teaches Word on all the computers, I was in dream land, organizing my crazy business day where I have to fly to New York, reschedule all my appointments for phone appointments to be done while I'm in the car to and from the airports, and grab a sandwich with my boyfriend so he doesn't feel rejected and second place as I jet off to the East Coast. Anyways...now you know a little bit more about me. {side note: I used to be in dream land all the time, thankfully the Lord gave me some freedom as He loves to do, and I am not in that anymore...now it's more of a normal once in a while}

School started and it took forever. I have heard my friends say that they are bored out of their minds before, but, I usually don't get to that point. Yesterday, I felt like I was going to explode. Me on my "Fry-day": super bored, no joy, and feeling like 4 seconds from exploding.

On our way to gym, we passed Mr. Pan's motorcycle and I said, "I might ask him for a ride, I've had such a weird day." This right here is an example of how we try to get our joy from circumstances, like trying to regain mine on a motorcycle...somehow it never really works.

THEN, my day turned around.

On the way back to the school after gym at the park, we passed Noemi sitting in her car. I stopped to talk with her, and after talking about math at school for a little bit, finally got to the point and said, "You want pray for me?" So she said, "Yeah" just like my beautiful friend Noemi always would, and said "for what? just for joy?" and then I told her about some of the tension that's been going on at school, which she already knows about, and she totally encouraged me and basically told me exactly what I need to hear, answering what I'd been wondering about the whole situation. And she prayed for me. JOY level totally goes up.

So then, Amy and I start talking to Mr. Pan about the outreach he was going to go on, and we got to pray for him and hear from the Lord about it. Oh boy, people. Want some joy? Start asking the Lord some questions.

Now my joy level is WAY UP. I've gotten filled, and what do you think I get...a motorcycle ride anyway! And then I got to see my dear Rachel because she came home from college for a night!

We went to Target and I got a super cute purse for $5.00 with polka dots and Rachel got a cowgirl hat for her barn dance tonight and Amy got super cute white hat.

Then we sat in the car...*our conversation* and I called Chloe and it turned out to be just a great day!

pleased

I'm glad that Ms. Wagner's room is starting to feel a little more like home. The beginning-of-school disease is starting to wear off, and we're all starting to get to know each other more. We should here all take a moment of silence, though, on Ms. Wagner's behalf -- she now has to put up with crazy us every day for the next, oh, 9 months. Oh, and the crazy trips...yes, pity her indeed.

Silence

In other news, I have a 2 page English paper to write. And I get to help the fifth and sixth grades with their reading class. So far, I've only done 6th grade, but it has been my pleasure to spare them from doing the questions at the end of the story. I got such rave reviews from one of them yesterday, of how cool a reading teacher I was because I didn't make them do the questions...that I did it again today! =) I felt like I should make them do the questions, but when I looked at them, they were explain-y type questions, like about the main character's character instead of fact questions like "What year was Bobby born?" So, I took pity again, because those sorts of questions are the bane of my existence.

Maybe I should count how many things I have called the bane of my existence.

I Could Have Finished

If I had been working on my essay for the past umpteen minutes that I've been looking at blogs and checking my e-mail and doing some facebook and checking out the dresses at White HouseBlack Market then I might have finished by now and really not feel bad about trying to hitch a ride back to Amy's house. Maybe.

Walk, Trot, Canter

A weekend on a horse. It was loads of fun. I can't wait to scrapbook about it; blog today! I tried to take a self portrait with the horse, but his head was took big to fit in the pic! =)

So, the picture of me is with the horse I rode, Rio. He had quite the mind of his own, which sometimes proved to be quite...vexing. Amy's pic is with Solomon, who wasn't ridden because he had a cold. But he was still sweet!!

So, there were these mini horses there too. Oh my goodness, so cute! Hilarious!

We had to braid their hair. When I braided Carolina's, the front ones stuck out like Pippy Longstockings...

We got to canter through the woods -- I felt like someone from Lord of the Rings. It was way cool. We got pretty sore, and the sides of our knees were getting raw from rubbing against the saddles. :) Our horses were pretty different. Blackie, who Amy rode, liked getting away with going her own way a little bit, but she got started so easily. Blackie didn't even need to be kicked to start going at a faster pace; all she needed was a little clicking noise from you. My horse on the other hand, need a few good hard kicks sometimes to get him going. I even got a whip!

Trotting is actually very, very bumpy. So, you have to "post" where you stand up in your stirrups in rythm with the horse. Blackie's canter was really smooth; Rio's felt like a faster trot. It was just so much fun!

We got to go get the horses from the pasture, and bring them in and get them ready, then afterwards take off all their gear. It was just all super fun. And just the farm-type setting is great. So many animals, but relaxing at the same time. They have barn cats, and even a turkey family who lives on their land! Like, ten turkeys!

This video is of me on Blackie and Amy on Rio -- cantering! It is really fast. A lot of the cantering time I had mixed feelings of amazingness (the wind flying past you, you're on top of a running horse moving fast) and uncertainness (I don't wanna fall off, of course). When I would trot or run, I would hold onto the saddle horn -- you're technically supposed to keep your balance on your own, but, you know, for a beginner, I think it's okay. =)

We wanted to make the little horses run around the arena. This has to have been one of the most hilarious parts of the weekend.

Some final pics: One of the barn cats climbing down from the hay loft on a ladder!

This picture just made me feel great because it looked like Amy's dream! She wanted a dog for so long; now she has one. But a picture of Amy sitting with a beautiful golden retriever was just awesome!

Us with Kitty, the house cat. She was really, um, loving.

Me leading a little mini.

It was a GREAT way to spend a weekend. Horses and animals are so fun. The Yankees were so hospitable to us and made the weekend just great. Much fun we had!

EARLY!

It's 6:50 AM...I got here like 30 minutes ago. I'm at school. BUT!! the redeeming fact of this early morning rendezvous is -- I got a white chocolate mocha with a few pumps of raspberry...AND a scone. Yum. I do like my Starbucks.

And, today is the day! Horseback riding! and more horseback riding! oh, and, a little more horseback riding! Amy and I are off this afternoon to a weekend of, you guessed it, horseback riding! Can you even imagine how exciting this is????

And, I have joy! No matter what happens or who thinks what or whether or not we get homework from the sign on the wall, I have joy!!! Joy, people! Do you realize how cool it is that no matter what happens, even if we lose our house or something crazy like that, our lives still get to be joy-fests!

I Miss You

Have you ever thought about the words, "I miss you" ???? I'm listening to this song that my sister thinks is just a total cheese-ball song: "Far Away" by Nickelback; and he says, "I love you...I wanted you to stay...I miss you..." and I thought, "I'd like to have someone say they miss me" and then I thought, "I do have people who say that." Which I guess brings me to the point that I wish a certain kind of person would say that, if you know what I mean...anyways

Now that I think about it, "I miss you" means a lot! I miss you means that you wish that you were with that person. I don't know about you, but one of the things that means the most to me is being with people; the idea of having someone want to be with me, is, well, amazing. I guess one of my most tangible ideas of this right now is my "separation" from my friends in Tacoma. When I was younger, it was my brother and sisters. Oh, it killed me to not be with them. With my sisters, I was a little bit more used to it, but Sam was around until I was like 7 or 8, and I just about died when he left for the Naval Academy.

I have to admit that I got used to being far away from my family, and that over the year, I get used to being away from my Tacoma friends. This past summer when I went back, I went to a wedding the night I got there, so I got to see everybody right away...I was at the reception, and Callie came up behind me, and I about lost my brain I was so excited to see her. There we were, on the dance floor hugging so tightly, and, oh, I could have hugged her for a year!!

So, I guess my recent discovery is that "I miss you" means a lot. I miss my sisters. So much. I would love to be with them, and that's why I say "I miss you." I wish I could kiss Ariel and toss Judah around, and that's why I say, "I miss you." I miss Hannah's sweet voice and how she always speaks so much truth into me, so I miss her. I miss the way I laughed and giggled with Callie and Chloe, and I miss them. I miss Amy and Rachel most minutes that I'm not with them, even though I'm only about 20 minutes away. A lot of love goes into "I miss you," and I wish i could really, really tell the people that I love how I miss them, because it would be like telling them "I love you" over again.

I would love to be doing that right now. Even if she makes that face. =)

The Black Hole of Time

So, I gues when I'm on the internet, I feel like I don't do very much--even though I'm on there for a long time. It's like I sit on facebook and refresh the page, wondering if anyone did anything in the last five seconds. And I check the blogs I like; but there are only so many of those.
I don't really feel the need to do more on the internet; in fact, it kinda feels like a waste of time. Today I tried reading the news, and that was interesting, but...

I've found something new

It's a video director on youtube called "Happy Slip" and she's sooo funny and totally (I mean, pretty much totally) clean [so refreshing!]. It's quite fun. Anyways, just thought I'd share that.

Hurrah!

I'm going home! I'm going home! A whole day at school and now I'm going home!! I really feel like laying on my comfy couch right now.

Was that a show? The comfy couch?? I think so...

I loved that show!!!! Molly is the doll's name, I think. =)

*****

Oh, the joy of getting home and changing into jeans and a comfy sweater. And eating macaroni and cheese for dinner.

School Reform

I vote that:

1. School only be held on Tuesday and Friday.
2. School doesn't begin until 9 am.
3. School ends at 11:11...yes 11:11, not 11:12, as some people seem to think should be the starting time of lunch
4. We listen to Merchant Band all day
5. Papers above half a page are forbidden
6. you know, the fact that I can't think of a good #6 should be enough to show that I shouldn't be in school...I mean, if you can't think of something clever to say on your blog, what could you possibly write in a research paper? hmmm?

This is totally what I look like when I'm trying to figure out my Pre-calc on the computer!!!!

I'm not complaining...I'm trying to be funny -- I hope I'm not complaining. Honestly, I've liked school for a long time. It's just a little hard at the beginning. =P

Starbucks!

I have to admit, I like my Starbucks. I really do. I would love to have the money to get Starbucks guilt-free often (or a Starbucks card). *cough* gift *cough* idea *cough*.

In leiu of this fact, I was most happy to accompany Amy on a trip to Starbucks and then, most happy to share with the Miss Bee.

Try this:

Hey guys, what is this adventure?

Can I have some more of that?
I'll take that straw, thank you.

Yum...

What a cutie! Her first frappucinno -- oh wowzee.

Backlog

So, I didn't finish up posting the stories from Kansas City, so I figured I'd make a little headway on that road that I had kind of given up going down...that didn't work.

One of my last days there, me and Elizabeth and Amy went down to the Plaza to have a little fun. We went to this place called, well, I can't remember what it was called at the moment, but, it was like a local old-time burger joint. We went to this place, expecting at least a little bit of quality out of it. Well, we order the food (2 doubles and a single) and ask for salt in the bag, to which the girl replies that she already put the salt in. We get our food and drive away, heading towards the fountain we want to sit and eat by. *pause this train of thought for a new story*

We need to find a place to park, so we drive all around the surrounding streets and find nothing. As we drive down the street the fountain is on, what should we come upon but a parking space, smack dab in front of P.F. Chang's. It has a 2 Hour Parking sign right next to it, but a few steps ahead is a group of valets for the restaurant. One approaches.

Elizabeth: "Is this a valid parking spot?"

Valet man: "yeah."

awkard moment where everyone's wondering what everyone's thinking

Liz: "So, I mean, legally we can park here?"

Valet man: "yeah"

Valet man stands at the window waiting for us to get out of the car to let him do his valet duty until Amy leans forward from the passenger seat and declares (loudly):

Amy: "with a D! Vali-D"

Reader should here note the similarity between "valid" and "valet". Or maybe that should have been noted right after Elizabeth used the word.

Eventually, the poor valet man comes to the conclusion that yes, we will be parking in that spot. He walks back onto the sidewalk while oh so helpfully cautioning us:

"Just don't hit the Benz in front of you or the Hummer behind ya."

So, we got our parking spot and crossed over to our fountain. Here we are, we sit down on the bench, open up our bag and pass out the burgers. To our great (great) sadness, every single on of our hamburgers is wrong! 2 singles and a double instead of 2 doubles and a single, all three of which having condiments that were the most pathetic you've ever seen at the same time that they were the most shocking ever seen.

The pitiful pickle:
The gargantuan (raw!) onion on Amy's burger...does anyone know how to obtain the simple grilled onions and mayo promised on the menu????:
We decide that we're too hungry and went through way too much for the parking space to go back to the place now, so we brave the burgers. We are soon serenaded by a four-man drum line walking like soldiers in beat with each other coming down the sidewalk to perform on the corner. They had a cool, though repetitive, routine.

Our friendly fountain:

A walk down the street led us to Pottery Barn, where we inquired about the replacement of spoons and investigated the differences in dishes, so on and so forth. Liz actually achieved some things, finding useful gifts that she'd been needing; Amy and I were silly.
In the mirror (Amy is displaying the giant paper clip she was SURE I needed for school):
The old time phone I wanted to get my dad for Father's Day like 4 years ago...of course I didn't have $60 to spend on a phone at Pottery Barn when I was twelve. Maybe someday...:
Hijacking the nice Pottery Barn couches for some relaxing reading:
Did you know that one of the official jobs of groomsmen/ushers is to ask single women to dance at the reception?? Huh? Did you know? Now my expectations are raised...:
Fun, fun! Oh, and, we bought the nice valet man a chocolate on the way back to the car.

So then, we wanted to obtain retribution (or, fix the burger joint situation) for our previous food experience, so we drove over the place. The salt-girl recognized us, so even though we had the bag that I had so graciously dug out of the garbage moments after throwing it in (well, dug isn't the right word...with lightning fast reflexes, such as those of Jason Bourne, I quickly reached my hand in and drew out the bag in a fashion so that no one would notice that I had just stuck my hand in a public garbage can), we didn't need it. We explained our situation, and she said in a kind of well-this-is-kind-of-strange-but-maybe-I-could-do-a-little-something-timid-for-you voice, "Well, I could give you another double." We respond with "Well...*indistinct talking* chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. Thanks!" And we finished off our outing with three delightully free milkshakes.

A week!

Here I am, typing as I dance... "When I go out, oh I know I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you...." "and I would walk 500 more..." It's a great dance song!!! =P

I'm done with my first week of school!!! The first week of my last year of high school, people!!!!!

that pretty much covers it.

So, I probably didn't look that way walking around school, but, it is an exciting thing, whether I think of that fact all the time. =P Ummm....so, do you think I will be going to PLU? Or University of Puget Sound? Or maybe, Westmont????? Do I need to think about that right now???

Jesus, Jesus (his Name is so beautiful), is being so good. He speaks!!! He speaks to me!! He speaks to Amy!! We have fun when He speaks to us together! That happened this week. Ummm...he totally set stuff up - I got as a prayer partner the girl He had been putting on my heart! Me and Amy got to pray and just hear truth about this year. My Jesus is so good. I'm excited because I get to watch Him be good and sovereign and the authority in my life this year and the year after that and my whole life! I'm excited about life, guys. =)

School was interesting....things are still a little bit in the air, with teachers and everything. We have 2 new high school teachers, so far. Our new humanities teacher is quite different from Mr. Mann, but I'm sure we will all get used to each other soon. We got our second new teacher on Friday--he will watch over the computer room, teach boys gym, and teach boys Bible.

Chapel was on Wednesday. Amy led worship and I sang. Honestly, I think have doubt to work through about worship leading. There are lines that I've totally been listening to: that my piano and my singing is not that nice but I'm just kind of kept there; that people don't really want me to lead. I think this is probably stuff that I shouldn't believe, since I'm pretty sure that they're not what Jesus thinks. There. It's decided. Jesus doesn't think it so I shouldn't either. I really would love to be a worship leader. Miss Wagner was encouraging Amy and me after chapel, though, telling us how she sang on the worship team at her church, and it felt so futile and like it wasn't doing anything, but when she led at her school and people were responding, it was sooo different. Maybe that is part of it, but I know that there is a place where the enemy totally wants to put me down and tell me things that aren't true, and I think that's probably what's going on in this case.

Today, Amy and I and Christy went shopping for a birthday present for my friend Chloe. After we got the actual present, we went to Borders to get a card, and I was happy because the cards that I love at Borders were on sale, so I got an extra one to have around and I got these cute little sticky things for my scrapbook.

My scrapbook! I'm planning on keeping a scrapbook of this year, since it seems to be quite the year.

Well, I think I am going to go play some guitar. I'll be back later, maybe post some pictures. ;)

I'm a senior! (kinda)

School started today! And, I'm graduating! But, I don't know if I can call myself a senior. My mom said that she'll leave it to the staff to decide. My fate is in their hands. Well, not really...just what I'm called this year is in their hands; but you know what, that's not even true because Jesus has it all planned out already. And you know what, I think that what I am called kind of makes a difference to me and relationships and stuff, so, it really is in Jesus' hands and I'll just wait and see.

Anyways, that's not at all the point of this blog. I am really tired, so there's a chance that I might not be able to finish up the last stories of KC, which is kinda sad, because looking back on my blog helps me remember fun times and stories -- sometimes the blog is more for me and my memory; except that people reading it is always fresh in my mind as I write and stuff. I may just have to leave it to my sister...Amy, hint hint =) (but don't do it when you should/could be writing....I don't want to tempt you. )

My heart is, um, gargantuanly full. Is that a good adjective? I'm not so sure, if I can't spell it. I'm not sure I have the energy to write it out, so I'm just gonna put this link, and you can read what Emery wrote, because, I was shocked and blessed by the fact that I opened up one of my favorite blogs, and, there was a description, almost to the tee, of my heart at that very moment. Of course, there's a slightly different angle since from my perspective it's from, well, my perspective. But I have to say that as I go through these feelings, I know that I want to pray for peace from the Lord because I am where I'm supposed to be at the perfect timing, so I want His peace and joy...and I need to be aware of the enemy's schemes, because JOY and PEACE are such important parts of this coming year, that I know he would love to be full force against them. So, help me keep watch, and pray for my peace - PLEASE.

And can I tell you that there are moments where I almost/do cry a little because I would just love to be in one of my sisters', or Chloe's, or Callie's, or Hannah's arms right now? I really need peace from Jesus, which I know I just need to accept, it's not like He's holding out on me. Because I am in His arms, and lies that I should be somewhere else than I am right now have no place in my life!! Jesus is always good, and He has amazing things planned and amazing ways to use me this year!

Thinking

I'm pondering college and where to go and what to do and where to live...oh, the wonders (or wondering =P). Oh, so exciting!!!!! It's gonna be great!

P.S. I don't have time to blog -- hopefully I can get the delightful recent stories up soon. :)