Thursday, January 10, 2008

I'm done with that.

Well, tomorrow's my birthday.

And I don't exactly know why, but the enemy always has a major scheme against my birthday. Two years ago, I remember walking through the hallways at school crying because a teacher had spoken harshly to me. That was also the year I sat sobbing in my car, so afraid of my party. There was that time in 3rd grade (I'm not sure if it counts as a scheme of the enemy or not) where on my birthday we had a punishment silent lunch. I had my special lunchables and everything...and I was crushed. You know, sitting on my birthday in the middle of lunch with the box of food I had been all excited about (lunchables was a special thing, you know) with my head down, not able to talk to anyone. I felt like it had sneaked up on me and pounce! had taken over my special day.

Anyways...I think tonight made me so much more aware that it totally is a scheme. Bcause an hour and a half ago, I felt so special and was just jumping around dancing and was having fun being excited about tomorrow. And then boom! it hit. Kind of like the pounce in third grade. First, I was crying because I just miss Chloe so much. Then, it was stuff about my party tomorrow (it was a surprise until today - me and friends going downtown to Water Tower Place and going out to dinner). I think today was the first time in my life I've looked at my face and broke down because I had broken out - even though it is a tiny little bit. When Blogger told me there was a problem with my cookie function as I tried to sign in, that almost set me over the edge again.

It partly makes me feel bad because I don't want my mom to think I'm not thankful for her scheming up a birthday that would make me happy. But it doesn't help that things in my family haven't been the smoothest tonight.

And maybe the enemy has always made me feel like it's my fault, feeling like it's because I expect too much out of my birthday. Now it feels like it's him with a cannon pointed straight at my head, holding a match to the fuse.

Jesus, come rescue me.

Maybe this sounds more like a journal entry instead of a blog.

Of course I'm opposed! Jesus gave me my joy. Jesus loves that I was born, and He loves that my birthday makes me happy. Of course the enemy is going to be against that! So, my birthday is not hopeless. My birthday will not be joyless. And Jesus will rescue me. I believe it. He is not going to let me down; He'll be right there celebrating my birthday with me. =)

Pray for my birthday, if you would. Pray that the schemes of the enemy trying to steal my joy would be crushed. Pray that while me and my friends walk around all the stores at Water Tower looking for fun, we wouldn't even care about those size 2's we don't fit into. Pray that we would have great fun, just because we're together.

Oh, and pray that my parents won't be too nervouse when I drive. ;)

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