Passion

On Wednesday, in honor of Good Friday, we watched The Passion of the Christ for chapel. It struck me quite deeply, actually, as exactly what I needed...it brought refreshment and reconnection and all sorts of joy. Now, that was a few days ago, but I wanted to post about it; so, I will take from my journal entry about it:

"I remember my previous reactions to the movie. At a Good Friday service two years ago, they showed a clip...I looked away for a lot of it, but I remember that I thought, "You shouldn't have done that, Jesus, not for me."

Then, when we watched it at HoneyRock last year, I was left with a strange joy..He loved me that much and I am forgiven.

Today, the biggest thing that struck me was His heart. Yes, I teared up when He was beaten, and I cried at His interactions with His mom. But I cried as I watched Him interact with His disciples and teach about loving your enemies and praying for those who persecute you; and what I thought was, "I don't have Your heart. How could I ever have Your heart?" I love this Man. I am stunned by His gentleness, His closeness takes my breath away. His tenderness towards me, such a sinner, is unfathomable. He has the most beautiful heart imaginable, and it's hard to imagine...hope...believe that mine could look like it.

Isn't that what happens, though? "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." He is just so wonderful, more beautiful than your wildest dreams and higher than the highest heavens...and I am so inferior. It's like His love soars up and around...and around and around and around, and soon I am encapsulated by it...it becomes what defines me. How the Lord could take this marred, broken vessel and turn it into the Anna He created her to be is miraculous. But I have to have wild faith that it will happen."

After watching the movie, it felt like I had encountered His heart all over again; and it was exactly what I needed. It was like I knew Him again, was again nestled safely into everything that He is. He is still the same. No matter what waves rage around us in our lives, He is always there, and He is always the same.

I was listening to a Misty Edwards song that has a small chorus in it that has always struck me as super powerful:

"Oh angels, oh angels! Look and see! Through that dark night of faith, she is gazing at Me!"

I want that to be me.