Monday, February 23, 2009

"Neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore..."

This morning, my heart felt like an open wound.  Pain resurfaced that has been crusted over for a while.  

A few weeks ago, I read this blog post by Kate McDonald, and the title has been in my head ever since -- "When Boys Hit Girls".  The simplicity of the statement hardly begins to describe the evil of it.

I know someone this happened to.  I remember the day I found out.  I remember the time before, and the time afterward.  I remember being angry that my friend had been so hurt.  I was angry in an intense, focused way -- a way I can only remember feeling twice.  Once was that day, and once was a few weeks ago in a dream about human trafficking.  

I remember how broken my heart was, broken for the pain she was feeling, and I remember my friend Jeff asking me how I was doing the next day, and I'm pretty sure I said something like "terrible."  My heart was broken...so sad to see my friend hurting so badly.

It makes me angry to see the devil take it out on God's people.  Every one of the women that goes through something like this has an exquisite design, purposes God made them for...and the enemy whacks them with this.  He tells them they're worthless and that they deserve to be treated like dirt.  That makes me angry.  Angry.

Today I found out that my heart is still broken.  It felt like I needed to process it all again, I needed someone close to explain it all to.

And as I sat in the prayer room this morning, memory of the pain rushing back, I looked up at the worship team and just about fell apart.  I live in a community full of people who love Jesus, and guys who would never ever ever hurt a girl.  I'm not trying to romanticize this or anything - I'm just trying to say how huge the gulf is in the comparison.  And how terrible that feels.

And then...then I thought about the fact that someday Jesus will come back and make it all right again.  The title of this post is that verse from Revelation, about how there will be no more death or crying -- I can't wait for that day.   There is hope between now and that day also... hope that He turns our ashes into beauty.  Hope that the plans of the Lord are sure, and that He is our protector.

I sat heart-broken this morning, unable to get it off my mind, and told Jesus how it hurt, and it was like he sat next to me and said "Me too..." and it was like I could see Him weeping.  We are not alone in our pain.  You are not alone in your pain.  It breaks His heart more than it breaks ours that His children are hurting.  He's coming back, and He will repair the broken places and put His healing hand on our hearts.  On my heart, on your heart...He can heal us.  He will heal us.

2 comments:

Shannon2-24 said...

typing one-handed.
short thoughts : )

ashes
and no bitterness
dried tears
tender all-knowing Friend

Jess said...

really, really good today.