Is that strange?
Today when I got home, I found a package for me! I love getting packages. It was from my sister Elizabeth -- a onething cd and dvd. So delightful! Some of the songs are songs that I have on the person's cd already, but with added in choruses and stuff live from the conference. I love it! There's a song on there by Misty Edwards that isn't on her cds called "Servant of All" and I love it! It's about how the God we are in love with is humble, and if we want to meet Him, we'll find Him low, serving the lowest of our brothers and sisters...it has a nifty little "Inside, outside, upside down kingdom, where you lose to gain and you die to live."
I think I can definitely say that life feels like it's at a crazy spot. And I'm beginning to wonder if all of life is crazy, or just small little packets of time. Beginning to be blinded to the rest of life!! ahh!! J/K. Craziness is pretty intense, when you're going through it. It's a lot easier to look forward to or back on, but the actual moment is a whole different matter. I have recently been finding myself telling many people "The Lord never takes us somewhere that doesn't bear fruit in the end somehow." It was so encouraging when I was first told it, and as I tell it to others I'm finding that I need to hear it a lot.
During craziness, one of the struggles is balancing how much of the craziness is just going on around you and you have no control over and how much of it has to do with sin issues in your own life. And when I have met those sin issues in the past, condemnation has been a pretty big issue, so now I am kind of on guard against it, but I often wonder if I am recognizing it or not...if it's there or not.
Jesus is teaching me so much. And it is quite the journey to learn how it is okay to learn. It is okay to be on a journey. God doesn't expect us to already have arrived there. We are running the race. We are. And we can approach Jesus confidently and ask for His grace. And He helps us. And He holds us up. How can it be that Jesus wants to help me and give me grace when I'm sinning/a sinner/struggling with sin? It's a crazy thought. Why yes, grace is quite amazing.
Today I found myself fighting to believe that Jesus wasn't pushing me away and holding me at arm's length because I'm dealing with some sin. Is He happy that He gets to journey with us?? He sure is.
And through it all, Jesus is so good. He is just as faithful when we come to Him with sin to confess as He is when we run to Him for comfort. Honestly, I'm finding that running to Him for comfort is a lot more...comfortable. But confessing sin is so important, and it results in freedom. And you know what, we have to lean on Him to repent of sin, so when it all comes down to it, Jesus is the only thing. The ONE thing. He is our only one. He has to be, or else, I pretty much die.
I think trials teach us so much. Especially where I am right now. I kind of feel like 13 lessons are getting taught all at once. But there are so many I could learn, and I know Jesus will pick only the ones that I need right now to teach me right now. I love Jesus.
Sometimes I think this verse keeps me alive:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
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