Reading the Signals

I yelled at the dog this morning.  Two or three times.  I hardly ever yell...at anything.

I thought about it before I did it, then I did it anyways.  Can someone say opening a door?  If you follow my twitter (or check it on the sidebar) you have already read that I knew instantly: something's off.  (And how do I fix it?  Repent.)

I could make a lot of excuses; trust me, I've been trying.  Something really, really hard for my heart happened yesterday (maybe I'll write what I've learned from that later).  I had a hard time engaging in the prayer room this morning.  I learned that there might be an opportunity that I would LOVE to get to do, that I might not be able to because of work.  Lots of excuses.

But I think I can recognize when I have a sin issue to be dealt with.  I don't have joy, I'm consumed with thoughts about myself, the kids start disobeying for no apparent reason, I want to check twitter instead of engaging in their game of checkers, I complain to myself about how many times I have to get up to get another cheese stick, I yell at the dog.  Sometimes you just can't deny that there's something going on in your heart that needs to be taken care of, and you get desperate because, well, if you don't repent of something soon, the potstickers you just put on might boil over or the tv might explode and send little bits of sparkly dust all over the carpet.

The Lord is faithful.  When I have these days where my heart needs to spend a little bit of time with its face on the floor, I can repent and He turns it around.

Right after I yelled at the dog, I put my knee on the swing (because it's quite low for me to sit in), started going back and forth, and prayed.  "Jesus, I repent for being anxious.  I confess I decided to judge Your goodness by much and what you give me.  I'm sorry for not trusting you..."  Glorie watched me and asked "What you doing?"  "I'm swinging and praying."  She promptly circled around me to the next swing, put her knee in it and I heard from her little lips: "Jesus, thank you for this swingset...and this swingset and this swingset.  For the slide, and toys, and the swing..."

Let's all learn something from Glorie.  

Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you for these four beautiful kiddos I live in KC with.  Thank you for my job, and the way you've provided financially for the past year.  Thank you that I got into the right college, and that there is someone in Tacoma who wants me to live with them.  Thank you for the deep friends you've provided in Kansas City.  Thank you that Amy is almost done with high school, thank you that Rachel got into nursing school.  Thank you that Your presence is a promise.  Thank you that Your plan is perfect.  Thank you that your gaze is on me and thank you that I delight Your heart.

Thank you for being You, Jesus.  Thank you that You took all the death, all the pain at the cross.  Remind me of Your heart; help me know You more when I go to bed tonight than I did when I woke up.