Tuesday, April 29, 2008

One of those moments

Do you have those moments where it hits you: "I am so not Jesus." Those moments where your pride gets rolled over by a steamroller. Yeah, those ones.

It is so difficult for me to lay down my reputation and truly trust Jesus to defend me. It's a lot easier to lay it down when you don't feel a need to defend it, such as in a prayer time. But when you get down and dirty with your pride...that's icky.

There's a point where you can see two choices before you: keep fighting for yourself, or be humble and decide not to try to prove to the other person that you're right. In reality, it's like choosing whether to put on a wedding dress or a potato sack. The humility will produce incredible beauty, thus turning the tables and taking what is low and making it the most stunning gown you've ever seen. The other option you have is to parade around in a potato sack of pride, pretending that you're looking terrific while instead you're looking gross (and probably stinking too). Today, though, I was left crying out to Jesus that I simply don't know how to be humble. My impulse is to add "yuck" to that last statement...but at the same time I'm reminded that being Jesus' prize is a journey. We don't have to arrive all at once.

There are times when He wants to take us gently by the hand and take us little step by little step, but we pull away and try to convince Him that, no, actually, we should be going...um...WAY faster than this, and, um, haven't you seen my goals of being absolutely holy and perfect in every way? Can we just get there a little faster please? I think it's this way...

No, no, no. His goals are so perfect -- even when they are two baby steps in a day. We may want to run a marathon at least twice each morning and three times each afternoon...but maybe He wants to take us gently through one situation where we gain a little patience instead. Or maybe He has a surprise of His love for us in the sunshine that comes in our window when we wake up. Maybe "I love you" really is the message He wants to send me. Sometimes I ask Jesus what I need to know for the day ahead of me and I hear "that I love you". I then promptly half-dismiss it with a semi-scolding tone, replying "there must be something else.." Nope. Maybe in some moments He just wants to tell us He loves us.

Security in Christ should be our goal. Knowing that we are so significant in Him, it doesn't matter what anybody else sees. When we feel like we're being accused, we should be able to be totally at peace that Jesus is our Overseer: if we're wrong, He'll tell us and help us fix it; if we're being treated injustly, it's His job to take care of it. But oh, is it hard to leave it to Him. I've been in situations where I've had to face that up-front the last few days. Maybe Jesus is trying to teach me something...

1 comment:

Amy Rachel Peterson said...

Beautiful, Annie. And so true!