One of those moments

Do you have those moments where it hits you: "I am so not Jesus." Those moments where your pride gets rolled over by a steamroller. Yeah, those ones.

It is so difficult for me to lay down my reputation and truly trust Jesus to defend me. It's a lot easier to lay it down when you don't feel a need to defend it, such as in a prayer time. But when you get down and dirty with your pride...that's icky.

There's a point where you can see two choices before you: keep fighting for yourself, or be humble and decide not to try to prove to the other person that you're right. In reality, it's like choosing whether to put on a wedding dress or a potato sack. The humility will produce incredible beauty, thus turning the tables and taking what is low and making it the most stunning gown you've ever seen. The other option you have is to parade around in a potato sack of pride, pretending that you're looking terrific while instead you're looking gross (and probably stinking too). Today, though, I was left crying out to Jesus that I simply don't know how to be humble. My impulse is to add "yuck" to that last statement...but at the same time I'm reminded that being Jesus' prize is a journey. We don't have to arrive all at once.

There are times when He wants to take us gently by the hand and take us little step by little step, but we pull away and try to convince Him that, no, actually, we should be going...um...WAY faster than this, and, um, haven't you seen my goals of being absolutely holy and perfect in every way? Can we just get there a little faster please? I think it's this way...

No, no, no. His goals are so perfect -- even when they are two baby steps in a day. We may want to run a marathon at least twice each morning and three times each afternoon...but maybe He wants to take us gently through one situation where we gain a little patience instead. Or maybe He has a surprise of His love for us in the sunshine that comes in our window when we wake up. Maybe "I love you" really is the message He wants to send me. Sometimes I ask Jesus what I need to know for the day ahead of me and I hear "that I love you". I then promptly half-dismiss it with a semi-scolding tone, replying "there must be something else.." Nope. Maybe in some moments He just wants to tell us He loves us.

Security in Christ should be our goal. Knowing that we are so significant in Him, it doesn't matter what anybody else sees. When we feel like we're being accused, we should be able to be totally at peace that Jesus is our Overseer: if we're wrong, He'll tell us and help us fix it; if we're being treated injustly, it's His job to take care of it. But oh, is it hard to leave it to Him. I've been in situations where I've had to face that up-front the last few days. Maybe Jesus is trying to teach me something...

I am His

The Beauty of This Man

by Tim Reimherr

My heart is stirred by a noble theme

Bringing blessed words unto my King

Giving up my love as a sweet offering

Oh, the Beauty of This Man

For the sake of love, He left His Father's throne

Searching for a bride, bone of His bone

Such a humble kiss, to make my dust His own

Oh the Beauty of This Man

Jesus, I love You

I give You all my worship

Jesus, I love You

Your Name is wonderful

See His hands, His head, His feet, and His side

They bear the marks of wrath, a pure sacrifice

To secure my love, by giving up His life

Oh, the Beauty of this Man

She, now faint with love, beckons Him to come

Establish righteousness as God's risen Son

On that glorious day, she'll marry her Fair One

Oh, the Beauty of this Man

Jesus, I love You

I give You all my worship

Jesus, I love You

Your Name is wonderful

Nope. No title comes to mind.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

April 13th?? Way too long. But I have a way to defend myself. 1) There is one of the most beautiful, fascinating, beautiful, intelligent, beautiful, and enthralling (and did I say beautiful) ladies residing at my house right now. Amy has taken up all of my time. 2) Well, she's taken up most of my time: the time that wasn't spent on my term paper.

How about pictures to make you a happy anna-blog reader once again? Some of the cutest dresses EVER:
I LOVE this black and white one

I think this dress is so pretty!

The official formal dress! Wahoo!

The ever-stunning Amy

So, yes, I got a formal dress. That was totally blog-worthy. It happened whole week ago, though, and these pages still haven't heard it. Ach.

Here's something that is more forward looking (as opposed to back-tracking as a two-week overdue post should do): my schedule. Argh! So busy... I wish I could just upload a little calendar. Let's spell it out:

May 3: Take the SAT

Final day of Merit. Perform with Merit Singers and Concert Choir.

May 4: Merit Graduation. Solo in song with Merit Singers

May 10: Piano recital. Huge Huge Huge Huge HUGE. Can I even tell you how I excited I am for it and how major it feels? It could be my last one! :(

May 12-16: Minneapolis missions trip.

May 20: Tickets to the symphony. (I know that's a purely recreational activity, but it's still on the schedule)

May 23: The formal! (Also recreational...but still...takes a lot of work)

June 5: Last day of school

June 7: Take the SAT Subject Tests

Graduation -- maybe have a piece ready to perform in duet with Amy on violin

June 14: Take the ACT

Then: Leave for Kansas City, probably.

Ummm....tiring.

Now, I need to go be with Amy and have a fun, relaxing rest of a Sunday. Let the craziness (fun craziness, albeit) begin!

I wish I could have been there.

The London marathon today was interesting. First there were the Masai.

And then this guy. He was on the U.S. news as the 101 yr. old man who drinks eight pints of beer and smokes 14 times a day, yet ran the race in just under 10 yr. Hmmm... now that I read that article, though, I'm slightly more incredulous.

the Bagel

Strangely enough, the food that I feel worst about eating is...duh duh duh...a bagel!

Haven't you heard those stories about how a doughnut is better for you than a bagel, all the fat, all the carbs, la da da...?? But a good bagel, ah, a good bagel is wonderful. As I consume that thick round of goodness, I can't shake the suspicion that it's helping me becoming my own thick round of...something. You'd think the cookies or the ice cream would be the great indulgences of life, but, no, it's a bagel.

And it's not even a chocolate bagel.

Heavenly

As stereotypical as this may seem, this has got to be one of the most beautiful pieces of music. Ever.

Holding On

So, ever since I got sick on Tuesday...I've been sick. Let's count. That gives me, what?, 5 days that my stomach hasn't been able to digest food right? Weak and skinny...that's me.

Today I had to go to music school, because I had a performance. Plus, I really wanted to go to my private lesson because my recital is in 4 weeks. Once I got there, she pointed out that we could have rescheduled. Didn't think of that -- oh well. By the end, I was quite tired out and feeling yucky...until I finally ate something. Yay for the banana.

Well, I've sat on the computer and watching tv for most of tonight, so I feel quite...yucky. Sitting around easily makes you feel that way.

Perhaps now I will go try out the music for the piano/violin Hungarian dances I got the score for.

Oh, and I have fifty notecards due for my paper tomorrow. eek.

My dad laughed when I told him to STOP on the channel with this story...

Did you hear??

Prince William and Kate Middleton are officially back together. In public. At his graduation. Arm in arm.

A little while ago, I learned not to freak out when someone's choking and coughing, because if they're coughing, they're breathing -- which means they're obviously not technically choking. That's kind of how I figured out about a year ago that me and Prince William would never work out. I mean, the accent. Who could handle the accent?

haha...I'm j/k...about the year thing of course...

I actually realized it a year and a half ago, if you must know.

her coat is so, so cute.

Notes for thought

So, that is what I'm working on for May 10. he. I can almost assure it won't sound quite like that.

I'm home today, resting. Watched a movie called August Rush...slightly strange. But, at least the story had a good ending.

Have you heard about all of these flight cancellations? The story was getting kind of old -- my dad, when the national news started the story for yet another day, said "I wish they would get a new story." Well, it finally actually affected us. My sister and brother-in-law were supposed to be arriving in Hawaii today, but they are being delayed. Hopefully they'll get there tomorrow.

Dear Body

Dear Body,

I have a few things to say.

To my stomach: Sorry about that little incident last night. Can't have been pleasant for you. But the question I have is, if I give you some food -- besides that M & M you had earlier, which is, you might notice, the only food you've eaten since last night -- would you plan on rebelling then too? You might like the BRAT diet, so we're gonna try that. Please try to keep and use the toast to give me some energy.

To my shoulder: sorry about that whack yesterday. I didn't mean for that to happen. Thanks for only giving one little twinge today.

To my left arm: you are the one star of this whole thing. Thanks for your loyalty and pain-free state.

Oh, knee: Do you like this ice treatment? Don't worry, we'll find out about all of this next Monday, 1:30. It's my fault, isn't it? I pushed you too hard and didn't stretch you enough... Sorry. Thanks for not doing the whole burning-tingling routine today. But, dear, can we knock off on the pain? We can try some tylenol...

But right leg: Just because the knee decides to act up, doesn't give you any right to hurt like this. You hurt really bad in case you didn't notice. Why? Is it something caused by the knee, are you growing, do you just ache because I have a little flu??

And left leg: You feel like you're trying to follow suit of the right leg, just because... don't imitate him; he's a bad example.

And back: are you actually hurt? I hurt you too, didn't I? My most tender apologies. We're resting now...please feel better.

In general, can we all try to work together to not hurt so much, get some good sleep, and keep down any food we try to eat? Thank you muchly. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Annie

It was a rough day...

I'm just gonna put this story out there..quick and painless. almost.

So, this morning on my way to school with Steve, I was trying to parallel park, holding up traffic in the lane behind me. Maybe the lady behind me moved up too far; maybe my arc was too big. I bumped her car. You know that huge thud in your stomach that matched the one on your car. Yeah. Wasn't sure what to do for a minute. We pulled up, her husband or brother or somebody was in the car behind her and pulled up too. They looked at their car as I walked up... Praise the Lord, they weren't upset at all or anything. The guy smiled and and just said "Are you okay? As long as you're okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it" as I stammered about how it had never happened to me before and I'd only had my license for a month... their car was totally fine, and they said not to worry about it and that it was totally fine and then smilingly went back to their cars.

Oh. my. gosh. Jesus is too good to me.

I ran back to my car saying "Thank you...thank you...God bless you!!!" I had left the car running, go figure. Later Amy and me joked about what if someone had driven off with my car while I was talking to them. Anyways...

Once I got in my car, I started shouting "Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!" and then instantaneously started sobbing and kept sobbing until I finally successfully did park somewhere else.

I had a weird unsettled feeling the rest of the morning as I worked alone in the office. Everyone else was doing standardized testing (this is the senior week off) and I was catching up on attendance.

Then, I tried to hang out a little after school by going to McDonald's with people...that didn't go so well. Me and Steve stood there at their table awkwardly (not enough room to sit down) and then I watched them do really stupid stuff. Like, I mean stupid. Finally again I can feel my heart being troubled at seeing my friends be...stupid.

So, I basically was lost in thought all the way home, spilled out the car story to my parents. They weren't worried about the car; my dad was just worried about me internally feeling pressured by other people in cars who are in a hurry wanting me to do something...

So, I came home and retreated. I got under a blanket, put on my iPod, and read my big, thick Jane Austen. Then I tried to take a nap. And I didn't really rest.

I think I'm lonely. I can tell--a little window just popped up the corner of my screen saying that a sweet friend I haven't seen in a while is online, and I started crying.

I don't understand where I am. I don't understand what's wrong with what I'm doing. At my age, your life is pretty much totally under the eye of your parents...when one or both of them seems displeased but you can't figure out why...I'm not sure it can get any more confusing. You know, when nothing you do feels right and you're not sure what you should try to do.

My performance is canceled. Something happened to our accompanist and they can't find another one, so we don't get to sing in the Honors Recital that we've been working so hard for. My dad sees it as no accident, since we were set to sing a medley from Sweeney Todd. Let's just say it has some very dark themes.

I feel like it's time to start over. Can we hit a restart button? hehe... No, we can't. But that's okay, because the Lord is always who He is. And He will work everything for the good... This song became an invitation again today:

"Come here and cry on My shoulder

I'll hold you 'til it's over.

I'll rescue you tonight.

Let My arms be your shelter, your Hiding Place forever

I'll love you more than life.

You're wearing a frown, giving up on hope

My heart is reaching out more than you will ever know.

Is your burden too much? Is it more than you can bear?

I'll help carry the load, if you're willing to share

You no longer have to say..."No one's listening anyway"

Come here and cry on My shoulder,

I'll hold you 'til it's over.

I'll rescue you tonight.

Let My arms be your shelter, your Hiding Place forever,

I'll love you more than life."