Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I moved.

I'm here. I'm alive. And I've been crying.

Honestly, the crying caught me off guard. I have been over the moon the last few days, just blown away by how much joy the Lord had given me...When I knew I could be all weepy over leaving Kansas City and every friend that means I don't see daily, etc., I had joy! I've been excited about moving to Tacoma, and excited about what the Lord's going to do. Even through the flights today, I was smiling, and just opened the Bible and went for it. I can't tell you how many phrases I underlined, my heart totally came alive just studying.

I got picked up from the airport and somewhere on that drive it hit me: I'm here, 2,000 miles away from all those people I love. The tears started coming, and they were still hard to hold back when I got to my new, beautiful home, and I keep having these feelings of needing to prove to everyone that I really am so happy to be here, but I'm sorry, for some reason at this second I can't stop crying because, well, you don't understand, Christina is just so wonderful, and I miss the prayer room, and I want to sit in that familiar briefing room and go make copies, and I miss those little kids, and me being gone is making Katrina cry... Thankfully, all these wonderful people I adore here keep smiling and saying: "Really, it's okay...it's hard! It's a big transition, and it will just take some time."

Jesus knew exactly what I needed. A couple teams from Tacoma spent the last few weeks in Kansas City, so when I saw them here, it was like I was seeing the really familiar people. Brian was here still, and we all went out to dinner, and it was the perfect welcome-back-to-Tacoma night for me.

So I am going to take their advice (and the Lord's -- He totally spoke to this before I came, of not giving in to a pressure to be strong), and give myself a few days.

In other news, would you like to hear the funny parts of my trip here? Yes? OKAY!

So, I carried my guitar around with me and got what seemed to me an odd number of comments. None of them were mean, but I guess people just aren't used to the idea of taking instruments on planes. One guy in the Starbucks line said to me: "So, you carry that on? Where do you put it?" The security guy said to me as I walked through the medical detector: "Either a folk singer or a rocker..." as if he was trying to peg me as one or the other. Ummm, neither, I thought.

Really the only other funny story I can remember is that once I picked up my bags, I wasn't sure how to move them all. Two huge bags, plus a guitar, plus a heavy backpack on my back, and I needed to get myself and all of it out to the sidewalk. For a while I just did a relay system. Move one bag and the guitar a few feet, then go back and get the other one. Finally I figured out I could carry the guitar sideways, on top of one of the suitcases.

Goodnight, people, I'm tired. Please come visit me in Tacoma. Thanks.

3 comments:

Erin O said...

Let me add my voice to the others: It's OK, it's a big transition and it will take some time.

In addition, do not be ashamed to grieve! It is a sign of how deeply you love others that you are able to miss people so much. Do not be ashamed of that love!

christinastyles said...

Wow. This is not going to help, but maybe so you know you're not alone, but reading this post made me cry. And yesterday afternoon when my day was crazy and I wanted to go down the hallway for a hug and you weren't there I cried. And last night when I kicked fear in the pants and prayed on the mic for California, and you weren't there to cheer for me I cried. Then last night when I climbed in bed early (12.15) and realized how proud of me you would have been I cried. (And right now writing this I'm crying!)

Then you txt me, and I called you and I laughed and giggled to keep from crying so that I wouldn't make you cry, but then you cried. And I got off the phone with you and I cried LOL! But that time with joy in my heart, and thankfulness of how much God has ENRICHED my life with your friendship and your love, and how thankful I am to be called your friend, and how excited I am for everything that lies before you and how jealous I am that you are out on a mission ^_^

I dearly love you. And YES. YES I will come to visit!

Kacie said...

I totally, totally get tough transitions. And wondering if the new place will ever be as loved and familiar as the old place.

I'll be praying for you!