Monday, September 28, 2009

I Will Survive

Today I floated home with a huge smile on my face.

You see, I left the house feeling beat up. A friend of mine once described it as feeling "like target practice for the enemy." I had a hard time surviving my first class and knew that if I didn't get whatever this weight was lifted off of me, I would spend the next three classes struggling to catch my breath.

I called Amy, nearly in tears, just asking if she would go to the Lord with me. Before we even asked what was causing this turmoil, she prayed: "Lord, I just ask that whatever this is coming against Annie, that you would just defend her, Jesus..." and the door of my heart opened a little bit wider to peace. She heard from the Lord what it was, I repented, we broke it off, and I could breathe again. That weight -- it's called false guilt and condemnation -- is exactly that: a weight. You walk around with your shoulders slumped and your mind racing to figure out what in the world you did wrong and how in the world you could do better?

And then the Lord brings clarity and conviction and you realize: "What am I doing? Jesus BOUGHT me! His blood washes me totally and completely clean! DUDE!" (Or at least, that's how it goes in my head. :)

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." ~Romans 8:1-2

So that was victory #1. The Lord's power is real, friends! It literally took a few minutes with Jesus and my entire day turned around.

I'm thankful that I got out of English early, because I got to run to the cafeteria and buy food. I had a hunch it was the wise thing to do, or else my brain might shut off somewhere between regression lines and Bonjour!

Then I got my Statistics test back...the one I thought I might fail. 88. 88!! EIGHTY-EIGHT! I texted my whole family and got the best response ever from my dad:
"Yayyy. R.u. Getting nuff sleep n good.food.. Must. Keep. In good health. Love. U much. Dad"

I seriously adore texts from my dad. He's not ashamed to stay he's still figuring the whole texting scene out, and these kinds of texts are the results. Seriously, I love them.

Then I went to French. And I found out my grade for last week's test. That other one I thought I might fail; yeah, that first test ever of college. Ummm...WAY better grade than I thought!

Thus, I floated home happy. Absolutely, blissfully happy.

Tonight I babysat the kiddos so their parents could go on a date. There's something different about babysitting to facilitate dates. Someone can ask: "hey - can you watch our kids? We have a meeting..." but then you get a text saying: "Hey, could you watch our kids tonight so I can take my wife on a date?" I just well up inside and it's a different feeling: "You want to take your hero wife out, and give her some rest, and tell her she's wonderful, and get to talk without a child asking you for something every 30 seconds? Yes! Yes, I'll watch your children! Go, quick, leave, get out of here!" Yay dates.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Zuchinni Bread. Or Cake. Or Zuchinni Cake.

So, I don't necessarily have the ability to piece together a real blog post at the moment. I'm actually needing to go to bed... I arrived home from classes and such today ready to weep from exhaustion and envisioning myself collapsing onto the couch or crumbling onto the kitchen floor. Thankfully, I stayed upright, kept my wits about me, and did some dishes. Oh yeah, also somewhere in there I thought: "hey, maybe I just need to eat...all I had was a bagel and a white mocha somewhere around English o'clock in an only-slightly successful attempt to wake myself up." In response to that thought, I grabbed an apple and paced and cried. That's right, people...pacing while eating an apple. That should count as my personal "chew gum and pat your stomach" or whatever that deal is.

The burrito I microwaved for dinner and some intense webstreamage helped, and I have actually gotten some good relaxation in tonight, involving candles and a Misty set. I also got a good piece of homework done. What a night!

To top it all off, I got to skype with:

1) my niece Ariel's birthday party...the Kansas City folk were looking as wonderful as ever and Samuel is walking. Walking, I said.

2) my sister and nieces in Hawaii!! The girls were adorable, my sister was as beautiful as ever... and lastly,

3) my brother, who is currently off of his floating city at his first port of the deployment. Yay Sam!

Now onto what I was actually planning on saying. Reading Jessica's blog never fails to make me smile, think to myself "man, I wish I could write like that", or just plain laugh out loud. Tonight, this post in particular was enjoyable, and it reminded me of a quotable from a few weeks ago.

I was in the middle of one of my preliminary attempts at baking in Tacoma (I'll admit I have gotten a little worried that I had forgotten to pack the cake anointing when I came...though the people I live with assure me it can't be true), and Jena stopped and said to me: "Annie! Your husband is going to rise up and call you blessed: "YES! I married a baker!"

And that's my quotable, folks. Tune in next time for a recap of Statistics homework. Er, I mean, oh nevermind.

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Absence is Explainable

Oh, there is so much I could write. I logged onto blogger tonight to find out that there is also so much I could read. My life has been hijacked by college. I don't know what I expected, but somehow I forgot that part of being on a college campus is, uh, being in college, and let's just say I have hardly read any blogs in the past weeks, much less wrote any (which you well know).

Since it is 11:45pm, and though I am reveling in the glory of having just finished my four-page paper, the truth is I have more to read. Writing for the general public's edification and encouragement (hopefully) will have to wait for the weekend (which is only, like, 20 hours away). I'll leave you with this: tonight, in trying to survive Paper-Mania, I began going through the Jesus Culture songs on YouTube. We've all heard "How He Loves", but the other ones I have somehow missed out on. Don't ask how many times I listened to "Your Love Never Fails", or "Your Love is Everything"...and then there was this one. These are the kinds of verses that make me just melt into begging the Lord to let me write songs. Listen to it a few times, rewind it so you can hear it again: "Words can never say the way He says my name..."

Friday, September 18, 2009

News Bulletin

Since I lasted posted, I've flown across the entire country twice, attended a miracle wedding, been on a real New Jersey boardwalk, gotten kicked out of my house temporarily by an emergency situation (the plan is to be back home on Monday), prayed a lot, cried a little, drank [not enough] coffee, been to class, zoned out in class, decided that no, I really don't know how to speak French, and made one brownie last three days.

But right now, all I really have to say is that it is 2:42 am, I have read my English book, done my French homework, attempted to do Statistics -- only to get through one problem in half an hour -- and am now moving onto International Political Economy.

Also, the goldfish container ran out at 1 o'clock. This is really a problem.

My friends who are doing the 6am in Kansas City are probably just waking up. Good morning, friends!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Yippeeeeee!!!!

This time tomorrow, Lord-willing, I will be with my sisters and my mom on the East Coast.

Glory.

Seriously, could it be better timed? I spend a few weeks out on my own at college, get a feel for what it's like, then hop on a plane to be in the arms of the ones most dear. *Sigh* I'm happy.

The other night I just needed a hug...being away from all my sisters and friends in KC left me somewhat lonely, as I'm still trying to settle myself in the community here again. All the people are as amazing as before, I am just so preoccupied with school stuff and homework that I don't see them very often. This has led to me having to remind myself that I am not on an island. I have also decided that homework can always be done later (aka between Midnight and 3am) if it means I get to go spend some time with the people I'm dying to hang out with but haven't been able to.

In other news, an acquaintance from IHOP showed up at my back door! Literally, I saw a Tacoma friend's car outside, heard Jena talking to "Candace" and turned the corner to see a girl I totally know from IHOP! I had no idea she was coming, and I have a feeling that she won't be the last one to show up at my doorstep. :) As I twittered, if anyone else feels the need to hop on a plane and visit, I would love to see some more familiar faces.

Can I say I'm happy one more time? I'm HAPPY! I'm seeing my family tomorrow!!! Oooh...I need to pack.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Read it. And maybe read it one more time.

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (the Message)

Friday, September 04, 2009

One Week

"College is overwhelmingly busy. All of a sudden, you wonder if the rest of life exists anymore."

In a skype conversation with some friends tonight, I summed it all up this way. I'm sitting here, having enjoyed a vanilla chai and a snickerdoodle as a congratulations to myself on finishing a week of college.

I'm physically exhausted, every muscle in my body feels fatigued, but my spirit is alive and encouraged; at the same time, though, my heart is burdened.

Last night I read an assigned transcript of a speech, and as I finished the last line, all I could do was sit there and pray "Oh, God..." Below the end of the text I wrote Matthew 9:36:
When [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
The level of hopelessness was astounding; when man tries to fix his own problems, disaster ensues. Everything comes to ruin apart from God. Everything. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.

I sat in class on Wednesday and just thought: "I can think of nothing worse than not knowing Jesus..." I am tenaciously thankful for being in this spot where salvation is coming up close and personal again. My heart, by the grace of God, it can no longer be cold toward the lost, because now they're my friends. I want them to know Jesus. I will fight and pray...fight and pray, until they know the Man who died for them.

I want this compassion to grow every day -- the compassion Jesus felt when He saw the lost. Harassed and helpless... Oh, that they would know the kindness and tenderness of Jesus. Oh, that they would know Him. Oh, that they would know.

Monday, August 31, 2009

The Beginning

This morning I looked out my little basement window and decided that, like the other days of the past week, the morning might look cloudy and rainy but soon the sun will peek out and shine joy all around.

I thought about what to wear to my first day of classes, and knew I had made a brilliant plan last night but couldn't remember what it was. Finally it came back: red shoes! Sadly, this plan became impossible, as my white shirt is in the laundry basket. Plan B became a purple shirt and black flats that click when I walk. I'll be changing those shoes before my next class.

I got hugs and high-fives from the little boys I live with, ran out the door, and leaped down the stairs to the sidewalk. I thought I wanted a upbeat, high tempo song to pump me up, but ended up listening to Tim sing about joyfully not being able to wait. There is a mist in the air, that at first makes you wonder if you're being rained on, but then you realize that instead it's a cool, wet breath pressing on your face. The tops of the high evergreens are surrounded by fog, and it's a very Pacific Northwest morning.

The class itself was more of an overview of how to do the work and take the class, but that didn't change the fact that it was revolutionary, beginning something new. It happened -- I started -- I'm a college student.

Wow.

Music, music everywhere!



These are my lovely friends Christina and Chelsea, singing to me at my goodbye party. Christina and I have the sort of friendship where my heart just gets so full of love for her, and I'm reminded to look back at Jesus and say "You! You did this...thank you." There are just those people that you know Jesus set you up with, and Christina is one of those people in my life. We always talk about Jesus, and we laugh together, and we're still growing to know each other more with 2,000 miles between us. She said the grand goal of this song was to make me both laugh and cry in the process of one chord progression. It happened! Congratulations, girls...

Plus, don't they have the prettiest voices you've ever heard?

******

I just wanted to say that Amy is doing a give-away of Bethany Dillon's new cd! I only got my first cd of Bethany's a few months ago (even though I knew some of her songs already), and every time I listened to it, I just kept thinking that she would fit so well as a worship leader at IHOP! That's a set I want to be in. :)

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Google Calendar is my friend

Click on the picture to see it bigger and know what I'm doing every moment of every day. Should this be on the interwebs?

I'm beginning to feel like my life is defined by various shades of blue, red, and one very burnt orange.

Classes mean studying, and music means practicing, and once everything adds up, I find myself scheduling every moment of my day. The yellow you see above is committed time to studying (and yes, I know I'll need more than that -- this schedule is still a work in progress). If you notice, the purple-ish colored boxes are labeled simply "Jesus". I HAVE to get time with him, or I will burn out in exactly 2.5 seconds. I think I'm even going to give myself set time to be on facebook or blogs, and I was planning on working in one mid-week nap, but the chance of that is looking slim. When I was working on this last night, I totally forgot about needing to schedule in work, which is a pretty bad thing to forget to schedule. Also, piano lesson. I should e-mail my teacher and say: "Sorry, my only available time for a lesson in Sunday morning at 6am. Work for you?"

I'm currently desperate to listen to Mike's Power of a Focused Life message, so as to jumpstart myself in this. Well, by the colors above, you can tell I've kind of already jumpstarted.

Using Google Calendar makes me happy. Something about the colors, and feeling like everything is organized, and figuring out the best way to alert myself to Chloe's birthday only being a week away... On my backpacking trip we had to share "guilty pleasures"; mine was reading Real Simple. Real Simple's tagline should be: "How to Make Everything in Your Life Perfect." Actually, it kinds of makes my perfectionism (that will die...it's a process) manifest like crazy. That and The Container Store -- the combination of the two would be scary.

Any tips on my schedule? New color to add? Schedule time to drink coffee? Actually a little "you will survive this" comment would be great right now, thanks.

**Also, if you look closely in the picture, the tab next to the Calendar is labeled "How to take a screenshot..." I put effort into my blogs. :)**

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The update of all updates

Pardon my partial absence from the blog for the past few days...starting a whole new life takes a little bit of time and energy. I intend to catch you up though, worry not.

A good portion of that energy was spent on a backpacking trip in the Olympic mountains. To orient you, here's a map:


So I live in Tacoma (see bottom right of map) and I hiked a mountain somewhere in the Olympic National Park. (I think...maybe we were in "Quilcene". I know we were in the actual park at some point). It's part of Orientation for school -- you get split into little groups, based on what activity you chose to do. I opted for backpacking in the mountains (a two-night trip), and got paired with a fun group, led by people who I now owe my life to. I mean, I wouldn't dare venture off on the side of a mountain and then sleep in the cold forest all by myself, but my leader Kevin is pretty much the outdoor expert at the college, and I'm alive.

As the name implies, we packed a ton of stuff into backpacks. There were all sorts of requirements: No Cotton, long underwear, fleece, summerweight wool, and the phrase "near-freezing temperatures" was thrown around as if it was as light as a badmitton birdie. I wasn't totally sure what to expect.

I got up early, said goodbye to my dad. (my dad came to make sure I was all settled here in Tacoma - WHAT A BLESSING! It was amazing; I'm so glad he came. He bought me nice things for my room to make it home and just totally blessed me being here) I boarded a bus, which proved to not be quite so simple as it sounds. Imagine me with a huge backpack on. Oh wait, here's a picture:

Okay, so we take off from the college, but as we get on the highway, we slowly begin to catch on that something's wrong because, well, we're going 35 in a 55 mile zone. 35 begins to turn into 25, which eventually turns into 15, and we start switching between driving in the breakdown lane and in normal traffic. Eventually a different bus has to come get us (after dropping off it's passengers at base camp). It was a hurdle, but we all made it. Throughout the rest of the trip, random things with my group kept going different than expected. We had to turn back on our first day and ended up camping at a different campsite than planned and switching our hike plans, and when we finally finished our trail at the end of the last day, our van (which was waiting for us at the end of the trail) wouldn't start! We tried to jump it


but it was actually, truly broken. Our leader got a ride down the main highway to get cellphone service, then sat there for an hour waiting for a new van to come pick us up. Adventure after adventure...

The hike itself was beautiful, and unlike anything I've ever done before. We didn't really do outdoors while I was growing up, so strapping on hiking boots and being in the woods was a fairly new experience. It was somewhat exhausting and my legs are still sore and stiff, but man was it cool. Our first real day of hiking was pretty much 5 miles straight uphill. It was really cloudy and foggy, so we couldn't see much of the view around us. Near the top it started getting really foggy and we only had about 300 feet of visibility with which to see the view of the rocky slope six inches from our toes. It was intense [and uber cool]. We set up camp at about 8,000 feet, got to know each other better, and layered up to stay warm. Bear bags were hung (that inspires confidence right before you climb into a tent made of one-centimeter-thick fabric), and water was filtered so as to avoid giardia, which is always important.

Our first night of camping we were all fairly warm. When we were up higher, though, I was cold all night. I found it to be such a crazy phenomenon - it got so warm as I hiked that I would have been comfortable in a t-shirt, but if we stopped walking and stood still I got cold fast. It was cool to feel so hot but pull out your water and have it be ice cold. We woke up in the morning to completely clear skies and got to see the breathtaking surroundings we had no idea we were in.


At the end, I was tired, ready to be home and filthy. I didn't actually get back to my house until 11:30pm or so, but I was determined to shower right then and get clean. I don't know where exactly the smell was coming from, but my clothes, my skin, my hair...all of it needed washing. My hair...my hair got all sweaty and then got cold, which left it with this weird coated feeling. My nails had lines of dirt underneath them, so I cut them (at midnight). Oh, it was lovely to be clean and get into clean sheets.

It was such a new experience, getting dunked into a totally new community where I didn't know anyone and didn't even have the common bond of the Lord with. I found out what it's like to truly be different -- to be the only one who cared about whether or not I slept in the same tent as a boy, to never have seen Harry Potter, to never have heard the music they were singing or tried the drugs they talked about. Talk about learning! I loved having the chance to connect with God up there...there were moments literally where I would pray and everything felt easier -- emotionally, physically...Jesus met me, and Holy Spirit walked with me.

The three days went great, and I loved getting to know people -- I could tell it made a difference when I got back and walked on campus; I feel like I have a community of my own now at the school, and I am stoked about building these friendships. Yay!


*************
I registered for classes today! I spent time looking over the classes the school offers and writing down the ones I thought sounded interesting, only to realize that I was forgetting to check whether or not they were freshman classes or upper level. When I went to meet with my advisors, we got it straightened out and after hearing my major interests, they suggested working toward International Political Economy as a major, and it sounds fascinating, so I'm taking the intro class, as well as Statistics (which will fulfill my math requirement AND perhaps come into play later for this major). My English class (which the college assigned me, after I listed it as 2nd or so on my preference list for a special required seminar) is called Sub/Urban America, and I'm not totally sure what it's about; the professor promised that people find it more interesting than they think it will, so hopefully it will turn out alright. I just hope we don't watch Edward Scissorhands (which I was forced to watch a clip of on a college visit in a class looking at suburban America...it was icky).

I have to say I'm most excited about French! Something in me is so happy every time I hear my sister speak any French, and after I found out that she learned everything she knows in college (with no classes before), I knew I wanted to take it. Can I just say, though, that the French textbook costs a whopping $168? How crazy is that?! It comes with an online learning deal, I believe, though, which helps explain it but still...craziness. My books:

Lastly, I'm taking private piano lessons! I don't know how they will compare to this one, but the teacher was overflowingly nice and made me feel like she was excited to know me and teach me and hear me play -- I am SO EXCITED! And choir...I signed up for the general university choir. You see, these two things make my heart smile, and getting back into them will be so fun {i hope}.

I'm starting to be able to walk around campus without a map, which is good. I ate at the cafeteria for the first time today, and in true Freshman 15 (I break that, I break that! ;) style, I had a grilled cheese sandwich on white bread and french fries. Don't look at me like that, I wanted to celebrate.

Let's be honest, getting food or ordering a drink at the coffee shop and just handing over a little swipe card with a magnetic strip filled with magical points gives you a nice feeling of power. It's as if you finally can feed yourself...that or the government is shelling out money so you can eat and sit in classrooms for four years. Either way, the grilled cheese was yummy.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Welcome to the Northwest

Tonight, as we finished off a night of grilled steak and veggies at some friends' house, it began to rain.

On the way home my hosts made a comment about it looking like winter.

"Oh, is this what it's like in the winter?" says me.

"Annie, this is what it's like for the next seven months."

Oh, right. Hand me an umbrella.