I Will Survive

Today I floated home with a huge smile on my face.

You see, I left the house feeling beat up. A friend of mine once described it as feeling "like target practice for the enemy." I had a hard time surviving my first class and knew that if I didn't get whatever this weight was lifted off of me, I would spend the next three classes struggling to catch my breath.

I called Amy, nearly in tears, just asking if she would go to the Lord with me. Before we even asked what was causing this turmoil, she prayed: "Lord, I just ask that whatever this is coming against Annie, that you would just defend her, Jesus..." and the door of my heart opened a little bit wider to peace. She heard from the Lord what it was, I repented, we broke it off, and I could breathe again. That weight -- it's called false guilt and condemnation -- is exactly that: a weight. You walk around with your shoulders slumped and your mind racing to figure out what in the world you did wrong and how in the world you could do better?

And then the Lord brings clarity and conviction and you realize: "What am I doing? Jesus BOUGHT me! His blood washes me totally and completely clean! DUDE!" (Or at least, that's how it goes in my head. :)

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." ~Romans 8:1-2

So that was victory #1. The Lord's power is real, friends! It literally took a few minutes with Jesus and my entire day turned around.

I'm thankful that I got out of English early, because I got to run to the cafeteria and buy food. I had a hunch it was the wise thing to do, or else my brain might shut off somewhere between regression lines and Bonjour!

Then I got my Statistics test back...the one I thought I might fail. 88. 88!! EIGHTY-EIGHT! I texted my whole family and got the best response ever from my dad:

"Yayyy. R.u. Getting nuff sleep n good.food.. Must. Keep. In good health. Love. U much. Dad"

I seriously adore texts from my dad. He's not ashamed to stay he's still figuring the whole texting scene out, and these kinds of texts are the results. Seriously, I love them.

Then I went to French. And I found out my grade for last week's test. That other one I thought I might fail; yeah, that first test ever of college. Ummm...WAY better grade than I thought!

Thus, I floated home happy. Absolutely, blissfully happy.

Tonight I babysat the kiddos so their parents could go on a date. There's something different about babysitting to facilitate dates. Someone can ask: "hey - can you watch our kids? We have a meeting..." but then you get a text saying: "Hey, could you watch our kids tonight so I can take my wife on a date?" I just well up inside and it's a different feeling: "You want to take your hero wife out, and give her some rest, and tell her she's wonderful, and get to talk without a child asking you for something every 30 seconds? Yes! Yes, I'll watch your children! Go, quick, leave, get out of here!" Yay dates.

Zuchinni Bread. Or Cake. Or Zuchinni Cake.

So, I don't necessarily have the ability to piece together a real blog post at the moment. I'm actually needing to go to bed... I arrived home from classes and such today ready to weep from exhaustion and envisioning myself collapsing onto the couch or crumbling onto the kitchen floor. Thankfully, I stayed upright, kept my wits about me, and did some dishes. Oh yeah, also somewhere in there I thought: "hey, maybe I just need to eat...all I had was a bagel and a white mocha somewhere around English o'clock in an only-slightly successful attempt to wake myself up." In response to that thought, I grabbed an apple and paced and cried. That's right, people...pacing while eating an apple. That should count as my personal "chew gum and pat your stomach" or whatever that deal is.

The burrito I microwaved for dinner and some intense webstreamage helped, and I have actually gotten some good relaxation in tonight, involving candles and a Misty set. I also got a good piece of homework done. What a night!

To top it all off, I got to skype with:

1) my niece Ariel's birthday party...the Kansas City folk were looking as wonderful as ever and Samuel is walking. Walking, I said.

2) my sister and nieces in Hawaii!! The girls were adorable, my sister was as beautiful as ever... and lastly,

3) my brother, who is currently off of his floating city at his first port of the deployment. Yay Sam!

Now onto what I was actually planning on saying. Reading Jessica's blog never fails to make me smile, think to myself "man, I wish I could write like that", or just plain laugh out loud. Tonight, this post in particular was enjoyable, and it reminded me of a quotable from a few weeks ago.

I was in the middle of one of my preliminary attempts at baking in Tacoma (I'll admit I have gotten a little worried that I had forgotten to pack the cake anointing when I came...though the people I live with assure me it can't be true), and Jena stopped and said to me: "Annie! Your husband is going to rise up and call you blessed: "YES! I married a baker!"

And that's my quotable, folks. Tune in next time for a recap of Statistics homework. Er, I mean, oh nevermind.

The Absence is Explainable

Oh, there is so much I could write. I logged onto blogger tonight to find out that there is also so much I could read. My life has been hijacked by college. I don't know what I expected, but somehow I forgot that part of being on a college campus is, uh, being in college, and let's just say I have hardly read any blogs in the past weeks, much less wrote any (which you well know).

Since it is 11:45pm, and though I am reveling in the glory of having just finished my four-page paper, the truth is I have more to read. Writing for the general public's edification and encouragement (hopefully) will have to wait for the weekend (which is only, like, 20 hours away). I'll leave you with this: tonight, in trying to survive Paper-Mania, I began going through the Jesus Culture songs on YouTube. We've all heard "How He Loves", but the other ones I have somehow missed out on. Don't ask how many times I listened to "Your Love Never Fails", or "Your Love is Everything"...and then there was this one. These are the kinds of verses that make me just melt into begging the Lord to let me write songs. Listen to it a few times, rewind it so you can hear it again: "Words can never say the way He says my name..."

News Bulletin

Since I lasted posted, I've flown across the entire country twice, attended a miracle wedding, been on a real New Jersey boardwalk, gotten kicked out of my house temporarily by an emergency situation (the plan is to be back home on Monday), prayed a lot, cried a little, drank [not enough] coffee, been to class, zoned out in class, decided that no, I really don't know how to speak French, and made one brownie last three days.

But right now, all I really have to say is that it is 2:42 am, I have read my English book, done my French homework, attempted to do Statistics -- only to get through one problem in half an hour -- and am now moving onto International Political Economy.

Also, the goldfish container ran out at 1 o'clock. This is really a problem.

My friends who are doing the 6am in Kansas City are probably just waking up. Good morning, friends!

Yippeeeeee!!!!

This time tomorrow, Lord-willing, I will be with my sisters and my mom on the East Coast.

Glory.

Seriously, could it be better timed? I spend a few weeks out on my own at college, get a feel for what it's like, then hop on a plane to be in the arms of the ones most dear. *Sigh* I'm happy.

The other night I just needed a hug...being away from all my sisters and friends in KC left me somewhat lonely, as I'm still trying to settle myself in the community here again. All the people are as amazing as before, I am just so preoccupied with school stuff and homework that I don't see them very often. This has led to me having to remind myself that I am not on an island. I have also decided that homework can always be done later (aka between Midnight and 3am) if it means I get to go spend some time with the people I'm dying to hang out with but haven't been able to.

In other news, an acquaintance from IHOP showed up at my back door! Literally, I saw a Tacoma friend's car outside, heard Jena talking to "Candace" and turned the corner to see a girl I totally know from IHOP! I had no idea she was coming, and I have a feeling that she won't be the last one to show up at my doorstep. :) As I twittered, if anyone else feels the need to hop on a plane and visit, I would love to see some more familiar faces.

Can I say I'm happy one more time? I'm HAPPY! I'm seeing my family tomorrow!!! Oooh...I need to pack.

Read it. And maybe read it one more time.

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (the Message)

One Week

"College is overwhelmingly busy. All of a sudden, you wonder if the rest of life exists anymore."

In a skype conversation with some friends tonight, I summed it all up this way. I'm sitting here, having enjoyed a vanilla chai and a snickerdoodle as a congratulations to myself on finishing a week of college.

I'm physically exhausted, every muscle in my body feels fatigued, but my spirit is alive and encouraged; at the same time, though, my heart is burdened.

Last night I read an assigned transcript of a speech, and as I finished the last line, all I could do was sit there and pray "Oh, God..." Below the end of the text I wrote Matthew 9:36:

When [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

The level of hopelessness was astounding; when man tries to fix his own problems, disaster ensues. Everything comes to ruin apart from God. Everything. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.

I sat in class on Wednesday and just thought: "I can think of nothing worse than not knowing Jesus..." I am tenaciously thankful for being in this spot where salvation is coming up close and personal again. My heart, by the grace of God, it can no longer be cold toward the lost, because now they're my friends. I want them to know Jesus. I will fight and pray...fight and pray, until they know the Man who died for them.

I want this compassion to grow every day -- the compassion Jesus felt when He saw the lost. Harassed and helpless... Oh, that they would know the kindness and tenderness of Jesus. Oh, that they would know Him. Oh, that they would know.