Blessed and Highly Favored

Mary has always caught my attention. In fact, Mary (along with David, and Daniel, and Timothy) makes me not want to grow up. Something about being 14, 15, 16 (and beyond, yes, I'm beyond those now :) made her story so real, so tangible. I still consider myself in the age range of {Imagine me, right now, an angel showing up and saying I was going to have a baby...}

I just want to know. I want to know it all. I know I won't know it all this side of the Jordan, but if I had to make a list of questions to sit down and talk about with Jesus when I go home, I would put "Mary...what was up with Mary?" near the top. What was it about her that attracted the favor of God like that? Why her? How did she walk in victory over shame? Was she scared? What's up with Joseph? Had she read the Scriptures enough to know when she set out on that donkey that she would have a baby when she got to Bethlehem? How in the world did she have a baby alone in a stable?

I mean, imagine! Imagine an angel standing in front of you and telling you that you had found favor with God. We read it like it's another Christmas phrase on par with "All is calm, all is bright" but imagine an archangel standing in front of you and saying: "Annie [insert your name here], you have found favor with the Most High God."

In the past few weeks I've been thinking about how Mary's life is such an example of sacrifice. When her life was no longer her own, everything was surrendered. Her whole life changed. Everyone thought she was in sin; she lost her reputation. She wasn't expecting to be a mom that year, but she was. Giving birth in a barn and putting your brand new baby on straw is not most girls' ideal of 'the good life'. Next up was a move -- a big move -- to Egypt! Then, 33 years later, she would watch her son be killed on a cross. I mean, let's be honest, it doesn't sound easy.

But God came through her surrender! God, and His purposes for all mankind, were welcomed by her surrender. It can be the same for us! When God finds someone who is after His heart, someone who is willing to just believe Him, see how He can move! Mary had no idea what was ahead of her when Gabriel showed up. She didn't know what would happen the next day, much less 33 years later. But the Lord took care of everything, didn't he? We want the purposes of God in our generation and our world; we can take our cues from Mary and just believe. He wants to use you, and you have the favor and eye of the Lord just like she did. Be bold, believe that you have found favor with the Most High God, and believe that His purposes can be birthed through your life.

I want God to come through my life. Mary has always caught my eye because I want to be like her. God chose her, He knew she would believe, and I want Him to know that I want to believe. I want Him to work faith in my heart. In the past few days of pondering this, I've found myself whispering to the Lord: "I will move to Egypt. I'll do whatever it takes, just use me. Find me saying yes." I want to be overshadowed by the Spirit of God. Don't you?

Live from Kansas City

You have to admit, live from Kansas City is a whole lot more exciting than live from the library.

How do I look? Less stressed? Big smile? Same sweater? I'm here! I'm here! I'm here!

The more people I hug, the more I realize that it's true. I really am here! I got in yesterday morning (overnight flights are the BOMB! uh, yeah...right...) and spent the whole day at home with family. John-Peter isn't just a picture on facebook anymore, he is wonderful! Yesterday I took a recovery nap and woke up to my sister bringing him in to snuggle with me while she ran over to our other sister's house. He is still in that stage where he has lots of skin but is waiting for the chubs to fill it, and his cheeks win the Most-Kissable-Things-on-Earth award, hands down.

Today I went to IHOP, and my heart smiled a million smiles. People remember me! Yay! I saw Josiah, and Wes, and then I saw my Christina and nearly burst into tears with joy. I love her so much, and just seeing her face and hearing her voice made my day. Just walking through the halls of the base felt so familiar and warm and fuzzy. :) Plus, there was some girl I don't know at my desk doing my job. I guess it's not my job anymore. Oh, I knew that.

Basically, this is wonderful. Tonight, I am going out on the town with my sisters because my brother has been married to Dora for 5 years! He is deployed, though, and asked us girls to take her out to celebrate. Little black dress, I am glad I packed you.

For the Record

I have French final in 40 minutes.

I am [obviously, since I'm blogging] having such a hard time focusing to study, though, because...

I'm going home tonight!!

*do the happy dance*

I guess I'm hoping my French subconscious kicks into high gear during the test. French subconscious? You there?

*****

Addendum: I realized that every time I look at the picture I posted yesterday, I wonder if my blog readers are thinking things like: "Man, that looks like it might be a cool sweater! I wonder what the rest of that sweater looks like. I wonder where she got that sweater..." and on and on, which I guess only goes to show that I like my sweater. It's like my sweater subconscious letting me know it was good buy or something. I mean, of course it was a good buy: I got it for $2. The best things in life are $2. Or something.

Coming to you Live from the Library

Here is me. I am in the library. Today, rather than working like mad among the rows of harried students upstairs, I am down in the computer dungeon. Only thing is, it's not really a dungeon because it's full of fancy 20" or so iMacs.

I sat down and realized: hey! I'm on a mac! I could take a picture!

Then I thought: that could potentially be really embarrassing, if someone sees me taking a picture of myself.

Then I thought: nah, it's worth it for the blog.

You're welcome.

I thought about taking a re-do, but then I decided against it. 1) because I look disheveled, and I figured it's okay to give you an accurate representation of myself right now and 2) the only thing more embarrassing than people watching you take a picture of yourself once is people watching you take a picture of yourself twice.

I enjoy this iMac. I enjoy it so much in fact, that I am about to bestow upon it the honor of being where I finish my English paper. It feels so honored; it told me so. Here I go.

Countdown: 18.5 hours until my piano jury, 23 hours until I'm done with my last final, 33.5 hours until I board an airplane, 39.5 hours until sisters.

Sing a Song of Jubilation

I would like to say that Kansas City is welcoming me on Thursday with a high of 46 degrees. In the middle of winter - that's amazing! Too add to the joy, weather.com showed me a little picture like this:
Well, hello there little sun! I know Tacoma has been quite sunny recently, but something about leaving the Pacific Northwest, known for its clouds, and arriving at a place with such a friendly sun picture is heartwarming.

I just finished my Statistics final, which means two of my classes are completely finished! I have two sleeps until I get on an airplane and take a red-eye back to the Midwest, where Samuel is walking (he wasn't when I left) and John-Peter is cooing (he definitely wasn't doing that when I left, unless babies have conversations with themselves in utero) and Ariel is dancing, and...and...it's just so wonderful.

I would like to officially declare myself thankful to the Lord for 1) keeping me alive during finals 2) Christmas break and 3) book buybacks! Seriously, someone just handed me cash! Put cash! In my hand! In case I needed a boost of Christmas joy, there it was.

Song of jubilation, indeed.

Rolling those works...

It's 10:29. The night is young.

In the library. Took ibuprofen. Have the water and the snacks. Last night I brought chocolate but tonight? Tonight I brought a cheesestick, an apple, the chocolate, a peppermint brownie, and a little bag of cold chicken pesto pasta.

I also have a sign. I made it last night, after I google-chatted with Amy about how I really have no idea about the answers to the prompt for one of my final papers, cried a little, and then the Lord nudged my little heart into courage through this verse:

Proverbs 16:3~ Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.

So I made a sign of it and propped it up on the computer.

I also have a schedule my friend Helen made me of how to finish everything for my finals. So many people have survived college! I will too, right?

I am so thankful that no matter how many times I say it, no matter how "normal" my struggles might be or "unimportant" as something like schoolwork might sound, the Lord is my helper. Even in this, the Holy Spirit reminds me of things I need to write or where to find information. He sits with me and talks with me and is the reason I can stay awake.

***

Tonight we had a Christmas party and we went caroling! If you have never been caroling before, you must do it! Take small children with you, small children make everything more fun. :) Sing fun songs and the kids will love it and your neighbors will LOVE it. Caleb started walking around singing: "Joy to da wooord, aaah da boys an guhhhs..." Yay for Christmas parties!

The Finals are Coming! The Finals are Coming!

Please tell me at least one of you saw that movie when you were little: "The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!" Maybe me and Laura were the only ones, but I doubt it.

Finals are upon us. Our last classes are this Wednesday (count it...TWO DAYS), and then Thursday and Friday makes up what my school calls "Reading Period." I like to think romantic thoughts about spending Thursday and Friday being incredibly studious and learning everything I could possibly learn about the French language, but I'm guessing those days will consist more of getting some sleep, running a little, maybe an impromptu accompanying to Costco with Jena and the kids, and a little parlez vous Francais? thrown in just for fun.

What did your schools call this period of agony time right before the big week? Chris takes great issue with the fact that my school uses such a lifeless name as "Reading Week." I guess PLU calls it "Dead Week." Those Lutes, always bein' honest.

My friend and I walked into church last night and Chris immediately saw the fatigue on our faces. "What's wrong? You've got that look..." {Can I just say, the people I live with can totally read me? I mean, I know I'm not the hardest person to read, but Chris & Jena can pick up on stuff in an instant!} I begrudgingly answered: "Oh, my paper...it's not going so well."

A few minutes later Lindsay and I were just standing around, waiting for stuff to start and Chris passed us again. This time, a simple one-liner (in a very happy tone of voice, I might add, which was completely opposite of the looks on our faces): "You're being anxious... [and then ever so matter-of-factly:] That's a sin." Then a few minutes later he passed us again with a one-word reminder: "sin!" He was totally being funny, but man...I was convicted! It is sin! Even when finals are coming up! Even when you totally bombed that last test! Even when for some strange reason your fingers just will not move the way Mendelssohn wants them to! Sin! Sin, sin, sin! Anxiety is sin!

~ Philippians 4:6 (ESV)~
"Do not be anxious about anything."

~ 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV) ~
"...casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you."

~ Matthew 6:27 (ESV) ~
"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to the span of his life?"

I'm fairly sure Jesus knew that finals [insert your anxiety here] would come up when He chose to banish anxiety. Do you think the omniscient God forgot that you would have a hard day on December 7, 2009 or that your job wouldn't pay enough to cover rent or that your child would be away in a far off land when He said that you don't have to worry? You don't have to worry at all. Not at all. He cares more about you than you care about yourself.

So I am asking the Holy Spirit for help to set my mind set on the things of God. He is working something in me during this week of finals, I know it.

If you need me to walk by you and whisper a little reminder about sin, just let me know. :)

No one else can love You like I love You...

No One Else Can Love You from Adam Parker on Vimeo.

A Blog in which I write about nothing in particular, in an attempt to vent my nonsense BEFORE the final paper.

As I begin this blog, the Muppets have begun to sing in my kitchen about the merriness that should encompass your Christmas. Hey, it's Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Can I just put my vote in on something? It's inspired by Emery... I like eggnog. [really like, even!] I also like eggnog lattes, but they're best when you put a little pump of vanilla syrup in them.

Speaking of lattes, have I told you that I'm basically a barista now? The people I live with are big coffee fans, and I've been taught the art of steaming milk and pouring tiny glasses of creamy brown liquid stuffs into said milk. Oh, it is a glorious thing.

Also, I like chocolate. And the strength of my affinity for rice krispy treats is alarming, considering I'm supposed to be somewhat grown up now, or sumfin.

Take a Deep Breath

This morning I hit the snooze button for a very long time. Don't ask how long, because I don't want to tell you.

Then I laid there and told the Lord quite plainly: "I really don't want to go to school. I'm tired..." and on I went. It was like a continuation of last nights question I put to Jena: "Would it be wrong to skip school tomorrow?" Then (Praise the Lord, I know He made this possible) I sat up, turned on my light, grabbed my Bible, turned on some worship and started going through what you might call a warm-up for the day. It's more important than coffee to stave off that caffeine headache I've started getting. It's more important than picking out the right sweater or getting my eyeliner on in a somewhat orderly fashion.

I know we are called to constantly search out the Lord, without the need for a crisis to arise and make us cry out for help, but I don't feel guilty about telling you that this morning was a desperate reach for oxygen just to be able to get out of bed and on with my day. The only thing that will get me through these classes, the big paper, and piano practice is life and truth, straight from the source. So with that, my heart opened up with each verse:

"For by You I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God -- His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true."

"...we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf..."

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

and the one I quoted to Chris & Jena for how I was going to get through today: "For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."

I need His energy, I'm really glad He gives it. Hope is confident expectation of good, and THAT is what Jesus sent me out the door with this morning.

It's only two weeks until Christmas break! I have stuff to do [ahem, finals]...but it is so close, and I am going to keep taking deep breaths and running on His energy and grace. See you soon!

Somebody Else Can Drive

I remember walking down the hallway in Jones Hall at school and thinking: "that could be a fun thing to blog about," but it has taken me a second to remember what that fun thing was. I think I twittered it, but now I can blog about it so that you, whoever you may be that still reads this sparsely updated blog, may be entertained, informed, and generally edified.

There is something here in WA called "The Pass". I heard about it here, there, and everywhere. 'Oh, you have to go over the Pass.' 'Oh, wouldn't you have to drive through the Pass?' 'that was a great Pass!' oh wait...uhhh...

Eventually I caught on: all true Washingtonians talk about the Pass. So I did what any good acclimater would do: I started talking about the Pass. 'Isn't that over the Pass?' 'Don't you want to avoid the Pass?' 'Please Pass the salad dressing.' I didn't really know what it was...until tonight. I asked about it, because I might be going somewhere next week, and 'the Pass' divides me and that somewhere.

It's snowy. It's cold. It's wet. It's wind-y. There are cliffs on the two sides. The term "the Pass" is actually a misnomer, because there are multiple passes, some of which are better kept than others. There are mountains dividing Eastern and Western Washington, so coming from Tacoma (Western WA, next to the water) you have to drive through the snowy mountains to get to the desert of Eastern Washington. It's somewhat intimidating, and even though Tacoma won't have snow on Thanksgiving, the big P probably will.

Whatever, I think Sasquatch might be hiding there.

Freedom. {from pants. kinda sorta.}

Oh boy, there is just so much going on! How to sum it up in one blog post? It may or may not be impossible. In fact, it probably is, so...I will pick one thing and write about it. I want to write about it, because there are so many women struggling with this, and God is doing a work in my life, that I hope will be used to be a signpost to others that there is freedom and peace to be found in Jesus.

The amazing lady I live with and her friends have a ministry called "Am I Beautiful?" They do a set of four sessions for girls, with worship, teaching, and prayer. Calling it a ministry makes it sound so official...basically they each have their stories of the way Jesus set them free. Yes, set free from body image and self-hatred, but I love that when they talk, those issues are only the beginning. When it comes down to it, these women are full of life and overflowing from being in love with Jesus, and they get to tell younger women about what it's like to live for Jesus and know His freedom.

They did an Am I Beautiful? series at my college last month, and one of my friends got saved!! Is there a way to describe with words how wonderful that is??

Jena and the ladies finished the series at UPS, and then last Tuesday began another one for girls from a local high school. I went to it, and heard Jena's testimony again. It is POWERFUL! She challenged: you are made in the image of God! You can look at the mountains and see God's creation, and be moved to praise Him, but the mountains weren't made in His image! How many times have you looked in the mirror and praised the Lord: "Wow, God! You did a GOOD WORK here!"

So my story...my story is that while I listened to Jena's testimony, I was convicted over something, something I had forgotten, something I hadn't even thought of before: the pants. Those brown ones, sitting in the bottom of my drawer. Let me tell you the story of the pants.

I began struggling with self-hatred at a VERY young ago (think 4). You can look at my school pictures, I was a stick through 2nd grade, because my mom couldn't get me to eat anything; I still don't have revelation of why. A few years ago, what was it -- my 2nd/Junior year of high school -- I began to exercise hard, and started limiting what I ate. I never stopped eating completely, but I most certainly was not just "being healthy." While I physically got thin, I was terrified on the inside. Absolutely terrified. I felt like I was on the edge of the cliff of an eating disorder, and I thought over and over and over again: "What in the world?! How can Anna Peterson be struggling with this?" I felt like I had such a reputation to hold up, and this most certainly was not the way to do it. Terrified really is the word. People tried to reassure me that I was just being healthy, but I just knew that it was more than that.

On the outside, I seemed fine. It made me smile when people told me how tiny I was. I could outrun all the boys at school. And the pants...I went shopping with my sister one day to one of the cutest stores I know of, and on the clearance rack found these brown pants, in a smaller size than I'd ever worn before. After trying them on, I went up to buy them, and I remember my sister looking at them, looking at me in shock, and whispering: "Annie...you're a size _??" with concern. I bought them and went on my way.

When I moved to Kansas City, things got better. I stopped restricting what I ate, and generally the Lord brought healing and restoration to every area of my life. Things got better in the physical (glory!), but I still thought about it, and I held myself to standards that were not from the Lord.

This is where the pants come in. Since then I have had more and more breakthrough... Let me just take a moment and say to the ladies: be bold about this! You were not made to meet a standard the world sets; you were made in the image of God, and He did a GOOD work when He made you! You are beautiful. I absolutely recommend practically walking this out. Stand in front of the mirror and praise the Lord, look at yourself and say with your mouth (the power of life and death is in the tongue) that you are beautiful, and perfect just the way you are. It will affect you! Guard your eyes, when you walk past the windows and the mirrors, from sizing yourself up for the 20th time that day. Encourage other women that they are beautiful, tell them their eyes shine, turn the focus off yourself!

So fast forward to Tuesday night...I realized that I have kept those pants in the bottom of my drawer, even though they don't fit anymore. Every time I saw them, I would think: "Well, not today, but maybe some day again..." That was not freedom! The Lord convicted me on Tuesday on this piece of it all...I am not going to be held to that standard! I had to get rid of the pants. As soon as we got home, I ran downstairs, grabbed them and handed them off to Jena. It was so freeing to be able to say "I never need to be that size again ever. Ever. Ever. Ever." I never want to live in that bondage ever again, ever.

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for FREEDOM! Thank You for freedom. Thank You that you call me lovely. Thank You that You set Your children free. Know the truth, ladies! You are beautiful, created to display the glory of God. You, right now, no matter what size you are, no matter how straight your hair is, no matter how defined your cheek bones are (oh, I know the thoughts)...you display the glory of God! Live it, because you do. You have a purpose, and the enemy has stood with his foot on your neck for too long, trying to subdue that purpose. You are made to radiate who Jesus is, and who He made you to be shines to glorify Him. Self-hatred has no place in you. No place at all.

You belong to Jesus.