"God," I say, forgetting for a minute what a privilege it is to even come this close, to address the King.
"God, do you know? Do you know what it is to feel alone?"
And then I see a Man on a cross.
Arms are wide open.
The dirt around is a mess. I sit in it, next to a crude hole they carved to put wood in.
Wood that holds my Savior.
And I hear Him. His voice is an invitation. It is tender.
Yes.
"Yes."
He does. "I do."
"I felt what it is to be completely..."
ELI, ELI
My tears turn in an instant to tears of awe. From the same eyes, but flowing to a different dry dirt bed of my heart.
ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?
"I did feel it. Once.
So that you never,
ever,
have to experience what it is
to be truly alone."
And I am the woman in the dirt of the street, the Rabbi's dusty feet before me, finally - finally - giving me a reason to raise my eyes. "Where are your accusers?" They have left, but I am not alone.
And I am Jacob, pleading with everything in me, weeping with cries that the Angel not leave me bereft, not leave me alone without His touch.
And I am Esther, surrounded by foreign people, without a clue in the world what will happen next, a faithful Friend pacing watchfully outside my window.
So if you, like me, only know the next step, remind your heart not to fear, because He cares for you. The whole road is not your job to plot. It is so tempting to grumble that you are the only one - the only one walking this particular way. But it's not true - you do not walk alone. Obey Him, walk with Him, and trust Him. He knows the rest, and tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Remember? He told you not to worry.
Think of how many, the great cloud, who have gotten to the end and sung: "Jesus led me all the way."
I will too.
[Mahalia Jackson, singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone.' One of my Dad's favorites.]
